July 15, 2012

My Dear Janab Hazra Saab, the Hazir Jawab (Presence of Mind Man)!

Oops! Oops! Oops!

Aadab

I read your wondrous blog today as a late lateef! My heart is shattered and smashed to smithereens as I was misunderstood, misconceived and misconstrued by my best friend in media — Indrajeet Hazra, the shahanshah (emperor) and jadugar (magician) of qalam (pen) in Haddi mein kebab in a blog [sic] named News Laundry! [sic]

(The article referred to can be read here – http://www.newslaundry.com/2012/02/haddi-mein-kabab-how-the-news-media-can-stay-independent/)

However, in spite of being mislaid (not maligned) and humbled (not demeaned) by this friend to whom I appear to be a lout or an oaf, little love is lost for Hazra! Reason? He’s a man with a heart of gold and of course published me umpteen times whenever I approached him without the biryani or kebabs with my voice of reason. Alas, my dear Hazra mistook my well-intentioned kebabs as enticement to publishing my articles! May be he’s misguided by some friend!

Thanks Hazra Saab for your very kind and unassuming remembrance of this sullied and desecrated gentleman who should have got the message of being haddi mein kebab long time ago! Yes, you are right. many times, this anonymous and horrid Firoz Bakht Ahmed barged into your first floor ivory tower 100-star office of HT (without prior appointment) to dole his heart out to an astute deputy executive editor through kebabs or biryani only in appreciation of your HT masterstrokes. This is a custom in our community.

Hazra Saab, it’s not kebabs or biryani but the fond doting upon you as a support! For Muslims like me, there are few takers in the media and you have carried my pieces on the burning problems not in return of the said biryani at all but for the poignant and bold statement despite being “not well written” as rightly put forth by you: “Mr. Ahmed doesn’t write too well.” Well, I’m still learning by greats like you, Gopal Gandhi and Barkha. They all weild pent with crafty magnificence. I’m only a tottering kid who believes in this couplet: Girtey hein shehsawar hi maidan-e-jung mein/ Who tifl kya karega jo ghutnon ke bal chaley!

By the way, Hazra Saab, let me make it crystal clear that my kebabs or biryani were never meant for any bribe, tit-for-tat or quid pro quo. I offer (as you rightly mentioned, on the occasion of Eid) the delicious food to some of my nearest and dearest friends on some festive occasions as part of Islamic and community tradition. As you are on my priority list, I also offer kebabs to you. It’s a Muslim custom to offer sweets and delectable food. By the way, if an article is posted you, it’s never to remind you of kebabs but the fact that I have a genuine view/vision to offer to the readers across.

Your viewing kebabs as a pact for an article in near future smacks of some intriguing plotting or scheming against me to castigate me from your slots. By the way let me in a mundane manner state that you miss the spirit and effort behind those kebabs and quormas! I ask my wife (a good cook) to make some scrumptious and palatable dish for my dearest friend in media. I pack and carry and deliver it as an ardent admirer at your office — only to face brickbats in a blog by you that in all probability might sludge me and mar my career totally. Why have you done this!? My heart aches and ails at my inane projection. Aaap aisey to na thhey!

Personally, Mr. Hazra, I adore you for three reasons:

(1) Your name reminds me of Hazra Street in Kolkata where my father used to live,

(2) Your balanced and inimitable pieces touch and move us all and

(3) You’ve been kind to me on previous occasion by carrying my “voice of sanity pieces” (though these might not be up to your expectation, nevertheless a point is conveyed poignantly.

Though projected disparagingly, derogatorily and disapprovingly, Hazra Saab my heart still goes out to you that a writer and columnist of your stature has considered this unknown entity for his writing domain! I’m on cloud nine! Badnam honge to kya naam na hoga!

Hazra Saab, please try to value and esteem Indian Muslims like me, who, after facing flak from our own co-religionists for being liberal calling a spade a spade and the vicious machinations of the right wing Sangh Parivar friends make an effort to say something sensible, they must be given space. Don’t be a kachche kan wala (one who gets carried when misguided). If we are scoffed at, jeered and heckled like that in columns and blogs, they would feel hurt beyond redemption.

Instead, if the Haddi mein kebab article would have mentioned the glorious tradition of offering the best cuisine on the occasion of Eid to near and dear ones and how this columnist regularly cares and loves his friends, would have gone a long way cementing the Hindu-Muslim bond. You’ve scorned and ridiculed a glorious Islamic tradition (peace be upon you). By the way, if I come to your office or home on the occasion of Diwali, will you not offer me sweets?

I know that you are an agnostic like Khushwant Singh, however, I’m a believer and swear in the name of God that the bout of articles after biryani and kebabs were never meant in lieu of the Mughlai food — as you’ve gauged in your extremely well written Haddi mein kebab. It was just co-incidental. By the way, hundreds of articles (some of them carried by you) gote published without any biryani! Apart from that, I had never

Please for God’s sake, stop misinterpreting my good willed and well intentioned kebabs as the incentive for a flurry of articles in the aftermath. We are Indians and follow our traditions. It’s another thing, hundreds of times I came to your office, you never offered me a glass of water or a cup of tea. Sorry, Hazra Saab, I’ll not walk into your shoes in this regard. In our scriptures, our well wishers and friends are just next to God! You are one and I gave you that rank.

History is replete with examples of good intentions being misinterpreted. Not to misconstrue this Haddi blog on communal lines (as anybody in my community would), I aptly view this as stamp of my being an incompetent, incoherent and incapacitated writer — absolutely a misfit for the Comment slots of the HT). Sportingly, I accept this certificate of being skill less. Thanks that you really bothered to offer it to me heartily.

Please don’t let such hurting incarcerations go to the blogs. It’s owing to such impaired views that a ham-consuming and wine-loving Jinnah bundled away his Armani suits to don cap and shervani only to be dubbed as the Quiad-e-Azam! I’ll not do that, no matter how many blogs are wasted upon me by you and other following in your footprints.

Next time, it’s Eid, I’ll again bring Shami Kebabs for you — no matter, you accept and then offer these to Daya — your Man Monday to Friday or to — the dogs and cats! To conclude, no flurry of articles as inducement will follow in future.

May Allah bless you! Allah krey zor-e-qalam aur zyadah! May God grant you the power to see beyond those petty kebabs and biryanis!

Hazra Saab, my eyes are welled up with tears! I don’t want my kids and wife to see me weep over the computer where I’m typing out these blessed lines. I can’t write anymore.

Fraternally yours

A forgotten, wretched, desolate and heartbroken friend

Firoz Bakht Ahmed

(The article referred to by the author can be read here – http://www.newslaundry.com/2012/02/haddi-mein-kabab-how-the-news-media-can-stay-independent/)

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