The Secret Diary of Manmohan Singh, Aged 81¾ – Part 3

Can’t get enough of the ex-PM’s personal journal? Neither can we. More excerpts leaked.


Wednesday, May 28

Smriti Irani is HRD Minister. I feel sorry for her. Kapil is a tough act to follow. Already most children are getting 99%. How much more can they improve?

Jaitley in charge of both Defense and Finance. Am very concerned. Who will look after the Delhi Cricket Association?

Hema Malini did not get a Cabinet position. Saddened.


Thursday, May 29

Some rascal called Rahul Baba a joker. What nonsense! I have never heard him say anything funny. I thought the Jupiter thing was a joke, but then I caught Madam glaring at me so I stopped smiling. Radhakrishnan from ISRO called me up in a panic. “Sir, we are not ready to go to Jupiter, sir”, he said. “Please don’t fire me. Or at least put someone else from Kerala in charge. We defeated the Tamilians after a long struggle”. I can understand his concern. They worked long and hard. I used to worry that Rajnikant might get involved, but luckily he can fly already.

Sat in the garden, feeling depressed. Gursharan got me some old files which she had kept for me, wrapped in polythene. Found some typos. Felt much better.


Friday, May 30

Has Raghuram Rajan stopped using moisturiser? His skin is looking a little dry.


Saturday, May 31

Am still attending all Congress meetings, because Gursharan wanted me to stop wearing pants. “Rahul Baba says politics is in our pants”, she said. “Now that they have finally let you go, you should stop wearing them, just to be on the safe side.” Immediately asked Madam whether I could attend the next meeting. She said please come. Sat in a corner quietly. It was just like old times.

Meeting went off well. Am so relieved that people hand-picked by Madam have refused to replace Madam. There’s something called loyalty still in this world.

How does Jairam Ramesh get that wave in his hair?


Sunday, June 1

KKR won the IPL. No doubt Mamata will throw a big party. Chaos is inevitable. Will she make Gautam Gambhir cut a cake? Will she make the Governor do a jig? Will she make the team run around Eden Gardens while threatening the crowd to stay in their seats? Will Shahrukh be able to dance to Robindro Shongeet?I don’t think he has an option. If he refuses, she’ll send Derek O’Brien to his house.

Telangana was born today. Personally, I blame Chidu. It was all his idea. He thinks he’s Machiavelli in a veshti. What kind of man is he anyway, putting his son up for election at a time like this? He sacrificed him like a goat. It’s completely against our culture. If there’s one thing the Congress has taught us, it’s that we should cherish our children.

The Telangana celebration was very colourful. They used fireworks and pink balloons. I’m not sure that fireworks and balloons are such a good combination. Each balloon had KCR’s face on it. KCR himself was also there. He promised farmers and tribal people lots of money. They were very happy.

Now all he has to do is find some.


Monday, June 2

Good news! The youth are still with us. The leader of the Youth Congress has declared his loyalty to Rahul Baba. It’s a relief. He’s turned out to be a good man. I was concerned when they appointed him. At 40, he seemed too young.

Saw Heropanti. I must say this Tiger Shroff is very good looking. But has he inherited his father’s dress sense? He’ll have to wear more clothes before I can tell.

Shekhar Gupta has left Indian Express. Feel naked and exposed. Who will keep an eye on the army?


Tuesday, June 3

Got an unexpected call from Tony Blair. He wants to form a Retired Prime Ministers Club. We will meet in Davos and talk about old times. Suggested Deve Gowda, but he said no. Nevertheless, am looking forward to getting a membership card. Will frame a xerox copy and send it to Advani. Ha ha! I’d love to see his face when he gets it.

Narendra has to decide whether to visit China first, or Japan. Tricky one. Perhaps he could do both together by hologram. I must say this is a very good system. Like Phantom, he can be in many places at once.


Wednesday, June 4

What a dark day for India! Rahul Baba is now a backbencher in Parliament. Some Kharge is sitting in the front. Varun is also in the back bench. I think Maneka wants him to spend more time with his cousin.

On the other hand, Moon Moon Sen and Hema Malini are both members. No wonder Modi is dressing so well. Am thinking of dropping in tomorrow. Must wear my new achkan. Gursharan will know where it is.

A new day is dawning. I look forward to watching it unfold.


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  • Individualist

    I appreciate the humor but leave Manmohan singh alone.. would you? he is very old and I dont think series posts like this is going to serve any purpose… Lets start humoring Rahul Baba. HE is made for fun.

    • Shovon Chowdhury

      You’re right, of course – Rahul Baba is like a gift to comedy. But the competition is intense. Since no one else is doing Uncle Manny, I thought it would be safer to stick with him. Also, I have to admit I’m a little obsessed. No one ever knew what he was thinking. He’s like a blank sheet of paper. It’s fun to try filling it.

      • Individualist

        haha …’bechara’ Manmohan….. 😛

    • Venkat

      I agree. Once or twice was ok. Extending won’t make it look anymore funny

  • Samir01989

    Best among the lot!! 🙂

  • lifesorchestra

    lol @ Raghuram Rajan comment …. hahahaha

    • itee

      Exactly….Very funny comment…….ha ha ha

  • No wonder he never spoke, he was sooo busy penning his thoughts….

  • uipy

    Madmohan sings diary? always wanted to read. ha ha..thnks!

  • papaba

    amusing breakfast for a relaxed Saturday morning

  • mohanrr