Friday, August 8.

An MLA in Maharashtra wore a golden shirt for his birthday.Impressed. When it comes to fashion, Maharashtra is always ahead. Apparently,one tall leader from Maharashtra wears underwear made out of currency notes. That’s why Calvin Klein never launched in India. Must be the same tailor.

Saturday, August 9.

West Bengal is facing a potato crisis. Mamata has banned export to other states. Am worried about Laloo. It’s possible that soon samosas in Bihar will have no aloo.

An MP from Tamil Nadu came to my house with a problem. He was very disturbed. He fell at my feet. I told him to get up. I couldn’t hear him clearly because his lips were on the floor. But he refused. “Sir, please give me advice regarding Amma,” he said, from the floor. “I am removing sandals when I meet her, because it is like entering temple. But still she is not happy. Competition is very tough. Some are writing poems. Others are giving blood. My wife said, go and meet Manmohan-Uncle, he has national level experience with this type of thing. Sir, can you suggest any solution?”

I suggested doing something with holograms. After all, it worked well for Modi. He went away happy, after garlanding me several times. He tried to garland Gursharan, but she threatened him with a saucepan.

Sunday, August 10.

Priyanka called to ask if I’m having enough vegetables. I said I was. Nevertheless, she sent me a basket of broccoli.

Tuesday, August 12.

The TDP and the TMC had a massive fight in Parliament. Am surprised at Mamata. Why is she fighting with Andhra people? Shouldn’t she be focusing on Amit Shah? Apparently he’s learning Bengali.

Moon Moon wore a white blouse with a black bra today. I fear for Shashi.

Wednesday, August 13.

Reliance is getting into organ donation in a big way. Nice to see them giving back to the public, even if it’s an area where the public has to provide the material.

Thursday, August 14.

Rahul Baba demanded a debate on communal riots, but then he didn’t participate. Apparently he had a sore throat. Must ask Gursharan to get some tulsi tea. Gargling will also be helpful.

Jaya Bachchan is very angry with RJs. Not surprised. She’s been in a bad mood since Silsila.

After two weeks of in-depth investigation, Antony has identified the culprit behind our downfall. It was the media. Am relieved. I thought it was me.

Friday, August 15.

These Madhya Pradesh judges spare no one. An MP judge is part of the panel judging himself. He’s the best man for the job. No one knows better whether he’s guilty or not.

The law and order situation is bound to improve in Bihar. According to The Times of India, the son of the Chief Minister is in love with a policewoman. I totally support this strategy. The police are starved of affection. If we keep loving them, eventually they will love us back.

Terrible Independence Day speech by Modi. He was so unprepared, he forgot to bring his script. And why was he wearing a Banarasi sari on his head?

Sunday, August 17.

Goa MLA Mamledar has demanded bikini beaches. He also says bikinis are preventing India from becoming a superpower. This explains why America is declining. Also, Putin should stop posing topless.

Monday, August 18.

According to Ram Gopal Verma, KCR would make a good Hitler. I don’t think we should trust him. He thought Amitabh would make a good Gabbar Singh.

According to The Times of India, 93 per cent of the Congress electoral funds were spent on Madam and Rahul Baba. This is truly shocking. Who misused the balance 7 per cent?

Was talking to Shashi the other day, suggesting he should take lots of cold showers. After he disconnected, I thought I heard breathing. Was someone listening? He didn’t say anything, but faintly, in the background, I heard someone ordering dhokla.

Thursday, August 21.

Male nudity is becoming a big problem in this country. First Aamir Khan exposed himself. Then he challenged Salman to do the same. I attribute this to Asaram Bapu. Ever since his potency test got widely reported in the papers, men have become far more relaxed about their bodies.

I can see signs of terror in Modi’s cabinet. Rajnath was admitted to AIIMS with palpitations. Gadkari is getting thinner. At a small get-together yesterday, I crept up behind Jaitley and whispered “Kem cho” in his ear. He dropped his cup of tea.

Soon, they’re going to start missing me.