Two days ago, I encountered Sanjukta Basu’s “Raksha Bandhan, Dr House, Rajasthan… The Many Things That Feminism Has Destroyed For Me”, itself “inspired” by Emer O’Toole’s “Ten things feminism has ruined for me”.

Now I’m more feminist than the next guy (would have said “as feminist as…,” but I’ve been on public transport in Kolkata, where the next guy is why feminism, chainmail armour, and knees to the groin were invented) and I sometimes repeat Gloria Steinem’s statement that the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

So, I get why feminist awareness can lead to a loss of simpler pleasures. But that’s hardly unfortunate, any more than the fact that growing up means less enjoyment of eating Cerelac or one’s own poop. So, at the risk of mansplaining and while acknowledging that being a feminist man is generally far easier than being a feminist woman (largely because being a man is far easier than being a woman — hence, you know, feminism!), here’s my list of a few ways in which feminism has dramatically improved my life.

Perception

You know that bit in The Matrix where Neo sees all the squiggly lines of code that underlie the world he inhabits? That’s what developing a feminist sensibility did for me. When the feminist penny drops, the world and its functioning makes sense in ways it never did, because one looks past the surface and the evident meaninglessness. The longer one does so, the better one understands the code, so to say.

It’s a continuous and unending process of knowledge and discovery. Unsurprisingly, that can be exceedingly depressing too, but it also allows you to actually change the seriously messed-up world we inhabit.

Knowledge is power — and you can’t effectively kick misogynist Mr Smith in the face without knowing why and how he thinks the way he does.

Intersectionality

Part and parcel of feminism making me more aware about gender was it making me more aware of, well, everything. After all, gender doesn’t exist in a vacuum and, luckily, contemporary feminism is more intersectional than ever. Plus, the critical tools that you use with gender apply in myriad areas.

So, gender ties into culture and race and class and sexuality and caste and disability and… it’s a never-ending journey down the rabbit-hole. That can be tiring for some but, personally, being aware of this all the damn time makes life far, far more fascinating.

Gender roles

Not that feminism only provides intellectual delight, of course, since it continually affects my material existence. Increased awareness of arbitrarily constructed gender roles, for example, makes it much easier to ignore or mess with them.

Masculine? Feminine? Who gives a damn?

Emer O’Toole sadly relates how she hasn’t used her bike for months because she wants technical expertise like men have, refuses to take it to a shop, but lacks the skill to fix it. Personally, I don’t lose sleep over whether I can do things that I supposedly should, as a dude, or if I can (or can’t) do things that are supposedly for women.

I watch boxing and figure skating, because I like both. I love meat, avoid cooking since I lack interest (and don’t expect anyone to cook for me), find action movies boring, have no interest in cars, and mostly suck at technology. My favourite music is by female country musicians. This was all true before I became a feminist, but now I’m just more aware of them and more amused at people’s assumptions in such regards. Once you become aware of gender roles, you have much more to say when people try to force idiotic gender roles on others. 

Literature/art

Similarly, feminism gives me the tools to enjoy creative works with more freedom and awareness. Sanjukta Basu complains that she cannot enjoy Pretty Woman, that “beautiful fairy tale of a film” (say what?!) and Fight Club (one of the finest examples of whiny man-boys in film, IMNSHO), while O’Toole bemoans her inability to love Anna Karenina as much as she did as a “horny west of Ireland teenager” (should we enjoy anything exactly as we did when we were teens?).

Ignoring personal taste, I’m fascinated that someone would blame feminism for causing them to be aware of simplistic patriarchal tropes. Thanks to feminism, I’m more capable of appreciating literature and other creative activity, because it reveals so much of how they function and to what end. I still read Hamlet for the poetry and the drama — and examine the misogyny in the characters and the play world. But it’s also made me broaden my horizons and look past the standard canon (of men, men, manly men).

Basu says most of her “favourite authors are men (Rabindranath Tagore, Sarat Chandra, Walt Whitman, Oscar Wilde)” and complains that most fields are male-dominated. Yes, they are — and that is why it is a pleasure and unending joy to find people who are ignored or underrated, due to gender, race, class and other reasons. There are so many to discover, enjoy, and share. To stick with the same old guys and consider them the pinnacle of artistic creation is to drink the patriarchal kool-aid — and feminism has an antidote for that.

Speculative fiction

Although a subset of literature, speculative fiction (such as sci-fi and fantasy) gets its own category — partly because I’m a card-carrying geek, but also because it’s a category where feminist interests proliferate. By breaking the rules of “traditional” reality, speculative fiction conceives of infinite possibilities and illuminates what exists now, by contrast with what could. And, despite the erroneous idea that this is an area dominated by straight, white men (cue wailing in some quarters since Star Wars VII is about to have a black male and multiple female protagonists — because that is out of place in a galaxy far, far away!), there are endless amazing female writers to indulge in.

Hell, sci-fi arguably began with Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. And the genre attracts people willing to experiment and think beyond the usual categories of race and class, sexuality and disability. From Butler to Le Guin, Russ to Delaney, Bradley to Pratchett, and so many others, my feminist interests have introduced me to brilliant authors and helped me more deeply appreciate their creativity.

History

As with literature and art, there is much to discover in history (and its construction) when one looks beyond the standard stories about who and what was important. As a geek interested in just about anything (ask me how snail sex works!), I have always loved history, and gaining a feminist sensibility means even more interest in discovering what gets left out or erased.

Sure, it’s not as exciting as discovering exactly how many monkeys could balance on a rock on the way to Lanka or at what point the Mahabharata proves that ancient Indians invented the microwave. Discovering exemplary and fascinating individuals of whom few people know is a great pleasure and, since the unfairness of their erasure can be quite infuriating, it is even more satisfying to share them with others. 

Relationships

O’Toole mentions feminism making her rethink the importance of monogamy, and so did I. It was relatively easy for me, having had no interest in ownership of a partner as society expects. So, after years of seeing myself as heterosexual and monogamous, I thought about it, decided both needed change, and, over a decade, became pansexual and polyamorous/ethically non-monogamous. Having done so, I think I am a better partner than I was. O’Toole complains that “Compassion, commitment and communication are a lot of bloody work, though”. Hell yeah! I fail to see the problem.

Education

Lastly, and this is especially personal, feminism makes me a better teacher. It makes me aware of how my students and I navigate questions of authority, power, transparency and honesty in the classroom. It makes me care deeply about the patriarchal societies that my students inhabit and makes me want to increase their critical awareness of it. In doing so, it makes my classes, whether first-year writing or cultural studies, Shakespeare or world literature, gain added relevance to my students and their lives.

Every class I teach is always fundamentally feminist — and will continue to be so, especially since I hope to get better at it.

I could, of course, wax lyrical about a thousand more ways in which feminism has made me a better and, yes, happier person, but instead of doing so, let me just reemphasise that this is just a personal and idiosyncratic take on the subject. I’m well aware that my privileges as a man make it easier to benefit from embracing feminism than a woman does (yes, we all know patriarchy really does hurt everyone, but it hurts some of us a whole lot less). And so, to repay all the benefits that it provides me, I think it’s only fair to extoll some of its virtues, as I just tried to do.

Seriously, come on over. It’s fun on the dark side. We have cookies—angry, glorious, world-shaking cookies.