Last night’s (May 24, 2016) episode of The Newshour on Times Now was amongst the most entertaining in a long time. I might even be tempted to say most entertaining — ever.

There will be criticism (justifiably so) that we at Newslaundry and I in particular often make fun of Times Now’s Editor-in-Chief Arnab Goswami and his carefully selected (and trust me, it is carefully selected) panel’s over-the-top histrionics, yet we watch it and write about it. But the fact is that we watch it so you don’t have to. (If you believed that line, then please click here and claim the million dollars the King of Burundi’s seventh cousin has left for you in his will.)

The real fact is that I often watch The Newshour because it is deliciously tempting, like deep-fried pakodas – you know they are not good for you but if they are there, you will succumb to the temptation.

Arnab Goswami is my aloo ka pakoda— a guilty pleasure.

The debate — a word too polite for what happens on The Newshour — was on the delightfully playful Bajrang Dal’s video of its elders and self-defence and arms experts (I am assuming they are experts) training slightly uncoordinated young men to shoot air rifles, jump over fires, and roll and hop over each other. Sort of like what we did during PT in high school.

Meanwhile, other Bajrang Dal recruits were dressed as “anti-nationals”. How do you make that transition? Simple: wear a skullcap, which was the difference between the Bharat Mata Ke Sapoot and the anti-nationals. If you think Clark Kent to Superman is a quick transition with the spectacles on and off, desh premi to desh drohi is even faster. You don’t even have to change your outfit.

So this “debate” had Vinod Bansal, spokesperson of Vishwa Hindu Parishad, defending the Bajrang Dal’s self-defence camps. Bajrang Dal is the youth wing of the VHP. Bansal was justifying the somewhat ridiculous “self-defence training” as a call to the patriotic youth to be ready for Bharat Mata when the time comes. What time that may be was not clear, but Goswami in fairness did ask why the battles with Pakistan at the borders are not at the appropriate “time”.

In one of the truly spectacular moments during the “debate”, Goswami suggested Bajrang Dal go to Pakistan as a suicide squad to get rid of Dawood Ibrahim. Such suggestions make Arnab Goswami special. You don’t know whether to applaud or to hold your head in your hands.

However, going by the video and Bansal’s comprehension ability, putting together a timer device, detonator with an explosive belt and jacket, and other suicide squad paraphernalia may be a little more difficult than grown men frolicking and rolling in the mud,wearing saffron bandanas armed with Bajrang Dal flags. But Goswami clarified (as if reading my mind) that these Not-Quite-Ninjas-Yet Bajrang Dal youth should not be taken lightly because they have a history of attacking minorities, specifically reminding Bansal of his youth-wing cadre when it assaulted a seven-month pregnant Christian woman and doused her with petrol. I’m guessing there was a separate training camp for that; with bottles drums and recruits wearing lockets with crosses.

Bansal, I am certain, did not hear Goswami because he did not stop talking throughout the show (unless he has learned the art of listening while shouting at one such amazing We-Will-Make-You-Commando camp at a Bajrang Dal retreat).

What made the show fun (the macabre context not withstanding), other than the playful antics of the Bajrang Dal’s crack commandos, was Bansal asking Goswami to apologise. Yes — the naïve Vinod Bansal asked The Arnab to say sorry! Mr Bansal has clearly never watched The Newshour and does not know who Goswami is.

Goswami had dared to refer to the Bajrang Dal goons as “gundas” and Bansal was trying not to let Arnab get away with it. Goswami’s response was priceless – I will call them what I want, what will you do about it? The good old “kya ukhad lega?” line of conversation. It was just too lovely. I instinctively awarded it the front-stall-whistle salute, which according to me remains the best way to appreciate any event on a screen or live – like when Shekhar turned into Tiger in Hum or Badshah Khan calmly grabbed Pasha’s sword with his bare hand in Khuda Gawah, just as it came down on Sridevi’s Benazir. Multiplexes, TVs and mobile screens and ‘family viewing’ have taken away that simple pleasure.

My family was not amused.

The supporting cast in this blockbuster of Goswami vs Bansal were Shazia Ilmi, of the Bharatiya Janata Party; Pandit Gagan Shastri, a “religious guru”; Chetna Sharma, the National President of something called Hindu Swabhiman; Waris Pathan, a Member of Legislative Assembly from All India Majlis-e-Ittehad ul Muslimeen; Atul Kumar Anjan, the National Secretary of the Communist Party of India; and Sudhindra Bhadoria of the Bahujan Samaj Party.

The very shrill Sharma’s support of the Bajrang Dal was matched by Ilmi’s equally shrill and cinematically articulate speech on patriotism and desh bhakti. Sharma kept holding up a picture that we are assuming showed terrorists wearing skullcaps (because the HD is not high enough for such details), thus justifying the mock terrorists wearing skullcaps in the Bajrang Dal’s boot camp.

But while they were shouting at each other, Goswami tried several times to interrupt with “main introduce to kar lun”, since the Hindu Swabhiman shrieker was not introduced to her co-panelists or the viewer before she jumped into the yelling match. It was only when she was almost done that Goswami managed to tell us who she was.

Pandit Shastri got to say three or four lines throughout the blockbuster.  Though he was bigoted in attitude and offensive in content, he did not have the emotive abilities or screen presence to get more screen time.

The rest didn’t really add any value. They were there to fill the screen because that’s the format and if you know a bit of cinema, a sparse frame reeks of low budget production. And whatever Times Now may be, it is not low budget.

So I’m going for the new X-Men film – Apocalypse tonight – and I know it won’t give me any opportunity to deliver a whistle salute, the way Hum, Tezaab, Khuda Gawah or The Newshour have given me or the satisfaction of a desi pakoda that only desi programming can.

With television like The Newshour playing on prime time every weeknight, it isn’t any wonder that no news platform stands a chance when it comes to viewership. Fried pakodas will always outsell boiled veggies. Plus Goswami more often that not serves them with a hint of saffron chutney. And I will confess, I am loving it.