Loch’d and unloaded: Ryan ‘comes clean’ on Colbert

WrittenBy:NL Team
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Four summers ago in London, Ryan Lochte threatened to steal fellow American swimmer Michael Phelps’ thunder. At Rio 2016, Phelps cemented his position as the ‘winningest’ Olympian of all time, beating a 2,168-year-old record set by Leonidas of Rhodes. Lochte, meanwhile, made headlines for all the wrong reasons, going from hero to villain — or in the words of John Oliver, “America’s favourite sweet dumb merman” to “America’s idiot sea cow”.

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In case you missed it, Lochte, himself one of the most decorated modern Olympians, claimed that he and his teammates had been robbed at gunpoint at a petrol pump in Rio de Janeiro. As it turned out, that tale was as true as the Loch Ness Monster — the swimmers had, in fact, vandalised a toilet at the pump. An argument ensued when damages were sought, leading to a security guard pulling out his gun. In light of the new evidence, Lochte’s teammates, Jack Conger and Gunnar Bentz, were pulled off a plane for interrogation. Lochte, meanwhile, was safely back in the US.

So why did Lochte lie? The swimmer has offered many explanations on Twitter as well as to the media, none of which are particularly convincing. Stephen Colbert, though, seems to have got all the answers. In a mock exclusive on The Late Show, Colbert used snippets from actual interviews to prove why Lochte did what he did — he was intoxicated when the incident happened (or did not happen), he was intoxicated when he spoke about it hours ago, he was intoxicated when he spoke about it again three days later.

With sponsors dropping him left, right and centre, and a ban in the offing, may we suggest Lochte take 12 steps, one for each of his Olympic medals, towards abstinence? In his case, though, there will not be any anonymity.

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