As calls to arms go, we can’t help but do a slow clap for this one. On May 28, the Hindi news channel Tez, owned by TV Today, put together this ode to Prime Minister Modi’s vigour and vitality.

For 11 minutes and 33 seconds, this programme extolled Modi’s unflagging energy and pointed to mushrooms as its possible source. Or, in the words of this inimitable example of investigative journalism, “Kya mushroom Modi ki sehad ka sabse bada raaz hai?” Accompanying the images and voiceover is a soundtrack that is full of flourish and gusto; or at least as much flourish and gusto elevator music can manage.

The ‘report’ is made up of clips from Modi’s public appearances interspersed with stock photos of mushrooms of different varieties. Button, oyster, enoki, chantelles, morels — they all appear in this video. There may even be a psychedelic in there somewhere, which would certainly go a long way in explaining this segment. A bowl of soup is seen, with raw button mushrooms and peppercorns scattered nearby. There’s also a dish that looks remarkably like Sweet and Sour Mushroom from the neighbourhood Chinese joint. At one point, there’s a bowl with mushrooms and chopsticks. The significance of the chopsticks can only be speculated upon.

Even as the voiceover speaks of Modi completing two years in the seat of power and being our fearless leader, there’s a little square badge with Modi’s face, encouraging viewers with the slogan, “Mushroom khao…Modi ban jao!” Because ladies and gents, all it takes is the fleshy, spore-bearing fruiting body of a fungus.

“At the age of 66, there’s not a crease on Modi’s forehead,” says the reporter at one point. “Neither is there any sign of exhaustion on his face. You could ask, is the effect of mushrooms?” Apparently, mushrooms feature in every one of Modi’s meals and years ago, at a rally, Modi had said that the secret of his good health was mushrooms from Himachal Pradesh. Also, did you know that when Modi visited Britain, he was fed mushroom pulao?

Newslaundry cannot verify these claims, but would like to thank Anoop Sehgal for alerting us to this fabulous bit of journalism.