The recent flurry of highly controversial remarks from many of the Congress ministers, members and their relatives, such as “old wives lose charm as they grow old”, “(71 lakh) very small amount for a central minister”, “mango people in banana republic”, “3rd rate people”, “guttersnipes”, caused a huge outcry all over India.

The party’s highest decision making body, the Congress Working Committee (CWC), met today to discuss these recent comments and their resulting fallout in the media and public perception. Our political correspondent sneaked in to bring EXCLUSIVE snippets from the meeting.

In the meeting, Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh tried to pull a fast one by rising to speak first. He said he wanted to share a sher on khamoshi with everyone and enlighten them on the virtues of silence. But other ministers laughed and shouted him down saying he is just a Rajya Sabha member and only elected MPs have a responsibility to speak in public. Dr. Singh wanted to say something but was, once again, lost for words.

Oblivious to his surroundings, RahulG suddenly got up excitedly and shouted, “Look, MOM!! I beat Diggy uncle’s score on Angry Birds!! So cool.” Digvijaya Singh smiled proudly. Others clapped in glee. Dr. Manmohan Singh almost smiled.

Mrs Gandhi slammed Salman Khurshid for bringing the party into disrepute with such pitiable high-school level scams. She also threatened to make Mr. Khurshid Minister of State for Small-Scale Industries if another instance of such a micro-scam comes out. Jairam Ramesh immediately proposed to move a resolution on the same but it was put off until the next meeting.

Things soon got even more serious when Manish Tewari angrily shouted that he is tired of cleaning everyone’s shit. The whole country is laughing at the Congress and pointing out that foot-in-mouth is becoming synonymous with Congress party. He warned that if things continue like this, their symbol – Hand – will only remind people that they need to slap down the Congress. The tide has turned completely against us, he said.

Rahul Gandhi again got up excitedly and pointing to his Blackberry said, “Mom! look! Everyone’s talking about us. #footinmouthcongress is trending on Twitter. So cool. Great job everyone!” and once again got busy with his Blackberry. Digvijaya Singh smiled proudly at his protégé’s acute observation.

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After that, there were long deliberations on how to deal with the predicament. With no solution to be found, Mrs. Gandhi lost her cool and warned everyone that she will replace the Congress’ election symbol Hand, with Foot-In-Mouth.

And just like that, there was an epiphany.

And suddenly there was silence.

And suddenly everything made sense.

And suddenly, there was an opportunity to swim with the tide than against it.

If foot-in-mouth has already become synonymous with the Congress party and is also trending on Twitter, then they might as well use it to their advantage! Its USP is its tremendous recall value. Today the world is moving at break-neck speed and large-scale scams are coming out at even greater speeds (everyone looks admonishingly at Salman “71Lakh” Khurshid who hangs his head in shame). The Hand is seen, more and more, as Congress’ hand in another new scam. That symbol has now become redundant and only has a notorious recall value.

Addressing the media after the meeting, Congress leader Janardhan Dwivedi said that the CWC passed a unanimous resolution adopting Foot-In-Mouth as the new election symbol of the Congress Party. He further elaborated that the days of one symbol in perpetuity for a political party are in the past. It is an outdated idea that belonged to the Stone Age when there were hardly any high-value scams and symbolism had a positive add-on value. This innovation by Congress, he said, might even usher in a revolution in electoral practices.

Our sources also revealed that Yoga guru Baba Ramdev is being approached to teach the party members how to physically put their foot in their mouths. The Yoga Guru who gained fame by contorting his body into all kinds of shapes, and also taught millions to do the same, is seen as the ideal taskmaster for this. The Congress members will henceforth be seen in all election campaigns with their foot in their mouths.

Baba Ramdev is also learnt to be seriously considering this offer as it might get the Enforcement Directorate off his back for the time being. It might also help him broaden his reach among the Congress supporters who have, so far, largely regarded Baba as BJP’s stooge.

Image source: Swarnabha Banerjee