You know someone has a special place in a family’s heart when the elders start worrying about their marital prospects. It’s a truth widely acknowledged by everyone from Ms Bennet to Ms Bakshi that a single man over 40 should get married soon or risk dying alone. (Let’s not get into the screams of horror if it’s a woman approaching 40.)

When the single man in question happens to be Rahul Gandhi and the elder in question turns out to be your friend’s grandmother, a normal dinner conversation takes a surreal turn.

So, with a news debate blaring in the background, the homely Punjabi grandmother turned to my friend – let’s call her Lajwanti – and asked her “E Sonia Gandhi di kudi electionch khadi ho rahi see na?” (This Sonia Gandhi’s daughter was going to stand in elections right?)

Lajwanti (knowing that mocking elders affects your reincaration cycle): Nain, ausdi kudi nai ausda munda khada hoya si. (No, not her daughter, her son stood in the elections.)

Grandma (mildly astonished): Hain, kudi nai si? (It wasn’t the girl?)

Lajwanti (showing off her little UP election knowledge): Nai munda hi khada hoya si, haar gaya si. (No, it was the son, he lost.)

Grandma: Accha. Kudi da te vyaah ho gaya hai na? (Ok, the girl’s married though, isn’t she?)

Lajwanti (resisting the urge to tell her about the “alleged” activities of said kudi’s husband): Haan, do bacche vi ne. Munde da nai hua hale. (Yes, she has two kids too. The “boy” hasn’t been married yet.)

Grandma: Hain! Oh te chaalees da ho raya hai na. (What, isn’t he turning 40?)

Lajwanti: Byalee da. (He’s 42.)

Grandma (after a moment’s silence): E kisi phorener naal shaadi karan jaa reya si par Sonia Gandhi ausno boleya dekh menoo kinni takleef hoyi hai te tu eda na kar. (He was going to marry a foreigner but Sonia Gandhi told him look what I have had to go through, so don’t do that.)

This is the precise moment that my respect for my friend’s grandmother grew manifold and I realised that she has a keen insight into the workings of Sonia Gandhi’s mind. Or has bugged the Gandhi household. Let’s go with the former.

The conversation would have gone on further but some poor soul, assuming the old lady’s political naiveté, changed the channel to a religious one for her. Sadly, they were showing a sermon by Baba Ramdev. Immediately the wizened grandma commanded, “Koi haur channel laga, ae Ramdev te gaarment noon hi kosda rehnda hai.” (Change the channel, this Ramdev just keeps criticising the government.)

The Gandhi family became the Virani family.

Image By- Reetika Verma