Those of you always whining about the Indian news media and wanting it to be more like the US or UK, it’s time to shut up! Take a look at the Twitter exchange (given below) between Piers Morgan – pilloried journalist, talent show judge and TV host – and Jeremy Clarkson – host of Top Gear, and cringe.

Wait! This is awesome.  Sorry, let me start again.

Those of you always whining about the Indian news media and wanting it to be more like the US or UK, yup – that would be great. Take a look at the Twitter exchange (given above) between Piers Morgan – pilloried journalist, talent show judge and TV host – and Jeremy Clarkson – host of Top Gear, and enjoy.

Piers Morgan, other than for his turn as a well-known TV host in the US, is also known for his anti-gun stance and has recently written a book called Shooting Straight: Guns, Gays, God and George Clooney. Clarkson is known to any auto freak – which means any male who gets hard seeing a big car – and has recently become one of BBC’s highest paid presenters.  

So what’s the story? Why this gloves off punch-up on Twitter? Is it an insecure media environment which is bringing out the worst in both? (Both claiming in the exchange that the other will be fired soon). What led to this unrestrained display of aggression, sarcasm and boorishness by news professionals when that behaviour should clearly only be reserved (by Indian standards) for stories about disgraced politicians/ bankers/ corporate honchos or sportspersons? We decided to contact our sources to get you the inside dope. Then we realised we have no sources at CNN or BBC, so we figured that we’d do the next best thing – google. So here’s what we came up with.

Clarkson and Morgan’s enmity isn’t new. It’s an old and much chronicled one, which finds roots in Clarkson once punching Morgan and also emptying a glass on Morgan’s head during a Concorde flight. Clarkson’s reference to Morgan going to jail is referring to the allegations of insider trading on Morgan.

Clarkson is upset ever since Morgan wrote a far from complimentary column 12 years back which featured pictures of Clarkson kissing his BBC producer. Being a man’s man who presents a popular car show with throbbing pistons and growling choppers, Clarkson punched Morgan at the British Press Awards and also emptied a glass of wine on his head on the Concorde flight.

Morgan being the judge of a song and dance show and displaying a pronounced British accent resorted to insults and clever one-liners which had the Twitter audience enthralled.

Ah! What I would not give to see the gloves off in India. So far, the only one at the receiving end of name-calling is Newslaundry. But who knows we may soon lose our good manners and take our gloves off because lets face it, it gets you an audience. And going by my experience of how quickly crowds gather at street skirmishes, the potential online is huge. The only thing as entertaining as two witty Brits going at each other is two Bongs going at each other. Coming in at a distant third, is the janani tactics used by our desi journos who do stuff like tweet “some people should really watch what they…etc” or “these days so the some so called reporters should realy get a life…” etc. Similar to the janani at the mohalla who will never tell the father/ mother of the loose boy/girl that the child is “kharaab”, but will keep repeating the “kuch logon ne toe colony mein gand macha raha hai…” type lines to other people in the colony within earshot of the intended party.

What is most refreshing to note is the miserably low level of debate between these two hugely popular anchors of great eminence from the Western media. There are the compelling arguments and witty repartee like:

Or the clincher of:

And if the I’m-more-successful-than-you or more-popular-than-you or have-more-followers-or-viewers-than-you compelling logic doesn’t resolve this, gentlemen – swing ‘em out already and just let’s get done with who’s the bigger dick. Until then we’ll let the oh-so-propah stiff upper lip Brits show us the way, which  – the way these two are going – will be stiff, swollen and sore too.