Just when it seemed Newslaundry’s Rashtrapati Bhavan dream would never come true, the tide turned for us. We received an email stating that our “RTI request registered vide Registration number PRSEC/R/2013/60424 has been disposed of”. In government-ise “disposed of” doesn’t mean that they’ve junked our request. It means that we’d finally received a response from the gendarmes at Rashtrapati Bhawan. With bated breath and an anxious heart, I logged on to the RTI Online website – fully aware that only a few seconds stood between me and ultimate euphoria/heart-wrenching disappointment. What transpired in the next 30 minutes or so ranged from plain absurdity to utter anti-climax.

Keeping in tradition with government sites, it took 20 minutes for the site to open. When it finally did open, there was more disappointment in store. The “remark column” of the status report stated that the reply had been dispatched “offline”.

How wonderful. You can file an RTI online, but you’re not going to get a response online. That’ll come to you the good ol’ fashioned way via snail mail.  On January 21, 2013, the “offline” response finally reached the Newslaundry office. Four days after it was dispatched from the Rashtrapati Bhavan, which according to Google Maps, is 9.5 kilometres from the Newslaundry office. Wonder how long it would take for an “offline” response to reach an information seeker in Assam or Tamil Nadu?

Before I digress too much and my merciless editor who has no respect for my fluid prose chops this copy too, here’s the response. And to give it some context, our queries first:

1. What is the amount NDTV paid to organise its 25th Anniversary celebrations in the South Hall of the Rashtrapati Bhavan auditorium held on December 14, 2013?

2. What is the standard protocol that is followed when events to be graced by the President are chosen?

3.What are the terms of the contract that NDTV signed to organise the said event?

4. What is the amount spent on electricity/water/other logistics that went into organising the event?

5. Was Shahrukh Khan or anybody else given a vehicle with a red beacon light to arrive at the Rashtrapati Bhavan from the airport?

6. What are the eligibility criteria (if there are any) to organise a function in the Rashtrapati Bhavan auditorium.

7. Have any other such events been organised at the Rashtrapati Bhavan?

The response impeccably worded in terms of style and deftly dodgy in terms of content stated that “in order to avoid difficulty to general public due to traffic arrangements for functions where the President is the Chief Guest, it has been decided to organise such functions, to the extent possible, in the Rashtrapati Bhavan/Estate Auditorium”.  It also revealed that the facilities of the Rashtrapati Bhavan were given to NDTV on a payment of Rs 45,000. However, as the full text given below testifies, it contained no specific response on the eligibility criteria and what would qualify us as having the required “calibre and credibility” to be allowed to host an event at Rashtrapati Bhawan.

We then followed up with the Central Registry office of the Rashtrapati Bhavan where we had filed our initial request on December 16, 2013. We were assured then that we would get a response “very soon” but it never came. The email to the Secretary to the President, sent on the same day, has also not been answered to at the time of writing this report on January 29, 2014.

The Central Registry office, after much persuasion, finally informed us that our request had been forwarded to the office of the Deputy Press Secretary to the President. When we called the Deputy Press Secretary’s office, the secretary of the deputy secretary told us that “madam is out of town” and that she couldn’t help without madam’s approval.

Meanwhile, since the date of our second anniversary is looming in the horizon, we have decided to look for other banquet halls. We’ve been told halls of the similar ilk as the Rashtrapati Bhavan start from Rs 100,000.  The Rail Bhavan sounds like a more feasible option as of now – and the boss might be able to provide some insights on how to go about arranging get-togethers there.