Spend just 4 minutes a week, and you too can reach the pinnacle of corporate success!

“There is no try, only do.”   Yoda

I have spent twenty-five years as an advertising and marketing professional. Over the years, I have molded many minds. Recently it occurred to me that if I do this on the internet, I can mold many more minds at the same time. Also it was time to start giving back to society.

Thus was born THE 4-MINUTE MANAGER^TM

Our Philosophy

 Our philosophy is that everyone has the capacity to win, including chickens. There is no reason why they should be left behind. Sometimes the thorns can be painful, but eventually the diamond in you will shine. If you dare to dream, no one can ever drink your chicken soup.

Our Motto

 0% effort.0% money.100% success.

Customer Orientation

This management course was itself designed using management principles. Extensive consumer research was conducted amongst existing consumers of management courses, in order to identify lacunae, shortcomings or gaps, which will be plugged by us, thereby creating a superior product.

These were some of the issues thrown up by the respondents:

1. Could we have more case studies about real people, like Priyanka Chopra?

2. Also some more pictures?

3. Strictly speaking, are exams necessary?

4. Can we do the course after we get the job?

5. Can we avoid paying any money for it?

6. Could the course be done in a charming and cheerful way, so that we learn many things while also enjoying? Preferably on the sofa?

7. Can some experienced professional tell us little stories about real-life experiences, introducing us to the different types of characters we will meet in our corporate career? Preferably he should wear spectacles.

8. Can we have more jargon?

9. What are the Dos and Donts of sexual harassment?

10. Could the course kindly provide summaries of popular management bestsellers, such as “Who moved my cheese?” and its sequel, “Touch my cheese and you die, bitch!”

Thanks to a special software purchased in Noida, a huge staff of qualified people at THE 4-MINUTE MANAGER^TM havebeen able to specifically design this course to fulfill all the above requirements, except point number 1. Mr. AbhinandanSekri has assumed responsibility for this, and is currently involved in negotiations. Any day now there should be a breakthrough.

Flexi-Course Approach

 In business, as in yoga, flexibility is critical. Recognising this, we at THE 4-MINUTE MANAGER^TM have adopted the Flexi-Course Approach.

Our course consists of Core Elements and Flexi Elements. Core Elements will be fixed elements of the course,covering traditional areas of management such as Working Capital Management, Marketing Management, Operations Management,Boss Management, Minor Fraud Managementand Strategic Sabotage. Subjects will be brought alive through heartwarming true stories and, in some cases, simple physical games that usually cause no injuries.

The Flexi Elements will reflect ongoing events in the world of business. We will analyse trends and identify hot-button issues. We will also be making up  focusing on revolutionary new thought processes in the field of management. This will ensure that even in the case of a paradigm shift, you will continue to leverage synergies. It’s what highly effective people do.

Localised Content

 At THE 4-MINUTE MANAGER^TM, we are proud Indians. Hence most management principles will be illustrated through case studies using familiar faces, such as Vijay Mallya and AsaramBapu, and familiar products – such as wine made by Pune people.

Mythological Content

 In recent years, some people have been unnecessarily dragging beloved epics such as the Ramayana and the Mahabharata into the field of management studies. We plan to continue this grand tradition. In case your sentiments are hurt at any point, kindly do let us know. We will immediately take steps to ensure that the sentiments of other communities are hurt also. In this way, balance will be maintained. In management parlance, this is known as the Circle of Life.

 Psychological Content

 Psychological warfare is an essential ingredient of management success. It is important to thoroughly understand your enemies, many of whom will be working with you. At the beginning of your career, most of them will be older than you, giving them an unfair advantage. A proper understanding of their psychology will equip you for the battles ahead.

 Eligibility Criteria

All readers of Newslaundry will be eligible, along with all gazetted officers of the rank of under-secretary and above.

Graduation

 Students will be allowed to graduate as soon as they feel sufficiently managerial. At THE 4-MINUTE MANAGER^TM, we do not believe in pressurising students, which is why there will be no examinations. However, marks will be awarded on graduation. These marks will be based on an index, factoring in the number of comments made by the individual, as well as a completely arbitrary assessment of the quality of comments. Marks once assigned will not be subject to review, unless VIPs are involved.

Students who donate money to Newslaundry will graduate instantly.

One lucky donor each month will win a jewellery voucher from D’damas for an unspecified amount, along with an autographed picture of Sonakshi Sinha.

Your Campus

 Based in the sunny environment of your living room, this course provides you all the comforts of home, in addition to a wide variety of student facilities.(See ‘Student Facilities’)

Student Facilities

 At THE 4-MINUTE MANAGER^TM, we do not have a building. But luckily you do. We provide a wide variety of in-home facilities to regular students, including foot massages and pizza delivery. Members of the Newslaundry team will be providing these facilities as and when required. A list of these facilities will be uploaded shortly.

In case you have ideas for other ways in which we can make your period of study more comfortable, please send us an e-mail. Remember to use ‘We want further facilities’ in the title.

Survey

At THE 4-MINUTE MANAGER^TM, we are always interested in your feedback. Here is the first in a series of questions designed to help us know you better.

How long would you like this course to continue?

a)    6 weeks

b)    6 months

c)    6 years

d)    Until retirement

e)    Stop now or I’ll shoot you!

The author can be contacted at shovon@hotmail.com