Someday we will get an authentic portrayal of journalists in popular Indian culture that goes beyond showing them as pompous fools or bleeding-heart activists. That day is not today.

For now, we will just have to make do with TV programming that uses shoddy scripting and jarring camera work to mislead viewers into thinking those are the exact kind of people who make it to the profession. Reporters, a new Sony Entertainment Television (SET) series, scores full marks on that account.

The fictional series that premiered yesterday has actors Rajeev Khandelwal (as Kabir) and Kritika Kamra (as Ananya) play the archetype TV reporters to cringe-inducing perfection. Kabir is a ruthless news reporter who furnishes a gamcha and a Haryanvi accent to stand him in good stead while chasing a story. Ananya is a goody-two-shoes who’s happy to threaten people with the “hum-press-waale-hain” refrain to get the breaking story of the day.

The series, as its YouTube channel informs us, will be about the two protagonists eventually falling in love despite being on the “opposite sides of the debates on ethics [sic].” Which is surprising because neither seemed to show any professional or ethical integrity at least in the first episode.

Since Reporters kicks off in a classroom at a journalism school with Kabir waxing poetic on news, we have a sneaking suspicion that the show will not just stick to the familiar TV terrain of showcasing corny love stories, but also masquerade as a real portrayal of the world of journalism. Which is dangerous considering TV’s power in shaping perceptions – people, for instance, actually ask Mohit Raina for “darshan” for his portrayal of Lord Shiva in the TV series Devon Ke Dev Mahadev.

We thought we’d tell you everything Reporters got wrong about reporting and reporters so you view it only for what it’s meant to be – just another love story that’s got nothing to do with journalism and could very well have been set against the backdrop of a hospital or corporate law firm instead of a newsroom. Because who cares about content when you can just do with copying the format.

News is not nasha. No. Just No.

In the opening scene, Kabir is introduced to a class-full of beaming students as “journalism ki misaal”. He goes on to tell them “khabarein nasha hain” and that a successful journalist must know that selling nasha is no easy task.

News is anything but nasha. Like any other profession, journalism can get more dreary than heady on most days. Being on the beat, getting sources to talk, chasing that elusive babu or minister for quotes, convincing your editor about your stories requires skill inculcated over the years by being on the job. Sure, every once in a while comes a story that will have the thrill quotient to help you get your mojo back. But it won’t happen if you go around living up some grandiose ideas of nasha as the necessary element of news.

No room for Jhansi Ki Ranis

The second frame has Ananya seeking justice for patients at a hospital during the course of an assignment. Her cameraperson later calls her Jhansi Ki Rani and advises her to stick to news instead of starting a revolution. Great advice. She doesn’t take it and we see her chasing stories through the episode with a righteous zeal that would be cured within a week of her working in a real news organisation. Ananya does the classic activist act that most seasoned editors would warn you against and won’t tolerate.

There’s more to reporting than clandestine shooting

Good reporting, which may at times involve investigation, is rarely about shooting people without their knowledge. Some of the best investigative stories happen after reporters put in immense effort in getting the paper trail right, connecting the dots, relentlessly following up and researching. It will rarely be about standing outside some politician’s house to shoot or record them without their knowledge. That’s not very ethical and can get you into serious trouble if the politician is actually up to something shady or criminal, like forcing a girl to marry him in this episode.

We’re nice to our colleagues

Towards the end of the first episode, Kabir tells on Ananya while she goes about shooting the forced marriage story, presumably out of professional rivalry so only he has the news. We don’t know how that ends but that’s something no journalist would do. Sure, there’s healthy rivalry and the news business can often get competitive, but most journalists share notes, help new people on the beat with contacts and are generally not very territorial about routine news. And if it’s an exclusive, we don’t go to the extent of jeopardising the security of a colleague to get it.

Sacchai and kaamyabi

By the end, we have Kabir back at the J-school telling students that “sacchai, acchai aur kamyabi kabhi dost nahin ban sakte”. Well, we don’t know about acchai, but sacchai at least is important when it comes to being successful in journalism. You can’t go very far deceiving or lying your way to success as a reporter. Sooner or later someone will call your bullshit.