“Rolling…? Hain?…kya?…haan-haan. Ok – Hello and welcome to Dhobi Ghaat. To discuss last week’s events we have with us today the Congress Spokesperson Sanjay Jha – good to finally have you with us, Sanjay – and Associate Editor of Open magazine, Rahul Pandita. Thank you, gentlemen. Now if I can begin with you Sanj–”
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Contribute“Oh, shoot! Damn – abhi hona tha? Are power-cuts this frequent here, Madhu? And what’s this – no inverter?”
“Ya, sorry about that, Sanjay – I think koi inverter main paani daalna bhool guyaa. Perhaps Newslaundry can do this some other time?”
“No-no, I’d much rather wait for the lights to come back.”
“As you wish.”
“So what will it be – Antakshari or 20 Questions?”
“Sorry, what, Sanjay?”
“We have to bide our time, don’t we! Waqt guzaarna hai, bhai.”
“Ha-ha, I don’t know. Ask Rahul Pandita here.”
“Rahul? We’ll go with your choice.”
“20 Questions, then.”
“Alright. Who’s first?”
“Sanjay.”
“No-no, you, Pandita.”
“C’mon, Jha! You go first.”
“Arey nahin, Rahul, refugees first, yaar. Least we can do is to appease you in little ways…”
“Hang on, you two – I know how we’ll…now lemme see…akkar bakkar bumbay bo, assi nubbay poore sau…hah, it’s you first, Sanjay.”
“Oh, alright.”
“And remember: I can only answer in a yes or a no.”
“Haan–haan, Madhu, I get it. Have you thought of something?”
“I have.”
“Okay…Is it non-living?”
“No.”
“It is human?”
“Yes.”
“Female?”
“No.”
“Is he dead?”
“No.”
“Is he Indian?”
“Yes.”
“Is he a film star?”
“No.”
“Is he a politician?”
“Yes.”
“Is he a forceful speaker?”
“No.”
“Is his party extremely corrupt?”
“Yes.”
“Does he belong to a dynasty?”
“Yes.”
“Does he do sleepovers?”
“Yes.”
“Has he done anything to change the system he criticises?”
“No.”
“Is he single?”
“Yes.”
“Is he a Prime Ministerial candidate?”
“Yes.”
“Is he secular?”
“Yes.”
“Does he believe politics is in our shirt-pant?”
“Yes.”
“Does he possess escape velocity?”
“Yes.”
“Does he believe in the concept of the beehive?”
“Yes.”
“Does he think power is poison?”
“Yes. That’s 19 done, by the way.”
“Damn! Ok-, no, wait, Madhu, wait, wait! Does he roll up his kurta sleeves constantly?”
“Yes.”
“Fooh! I give up. Gosh, this game’s tough. Alright, so who is it?”
“Rahul Gandhi.”
“Noooooo! I could never! Madhu, that’s not fair. This was too difficult. And I wasn’t even close.”
“I know. Ok, Rahul Pandita’s turn now. Rahul – you ready?”
“Sure. Fire away, Madhu.”
“No, you fire away.”
“Oh, sorry. Is it human?”
“Yes.”
“Male?”
“No.”
“Is she dead?”
“No.”
“Is she Indian?”
“Yes.”
“Is she a Page 3?”
“Ambiguous. Refine that query.”
“Is she a celebrity?”
“Yes.”
“Have you ever interviewed her?”
“Yes.”
“Is she a politician?”
“No.”
“Is she a journalist?”
“Yes.”
“Does she work in print or electronic media?”
“Sorry, can only answer in yes or no.”
“Sorry, sorry…does she work in electronic media?”
“Yes.”
“Does she work for CNN-IBN?”
“No.”
“Does she work for NDTV?”
“Yes.”
“Did she charm Oprah?”
“Yes.”
“Does she love the word ‘narrative’?”
“Yes.”
“Has she got a padma?”
“Yes.”
“Did she cover Kargil?”
“Yes.”
“Did she cover Keran?”
“Yes.”
“How many?”
“17.”
“Jesus, this is tough…Umm…Ok, can she defy Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle?”
“Yes.”
“Will she ever read Our Moon has Blood Clots?”
“No.”
“How many?”
“19.”
“Damn…damn…this is tough, Madhu, not fair…”
“19.”
“Ok, wait…lemme think…Is she-…Does she like-…Has her-…Look! Wow! The lights are back! Phew! Sorry, Madhu, some other time!”
“…Oh, alright…Sanjay? Shall we continue from where we left off? Or you want me to interview Rahul first?”
“No-no, me first. I’ve to rush to NDTV in a bit, so…”
“Ok. Camera? Roll karo…3…2…1…So, Mr. Jha, what’s your opinion on the recent…”
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