Wednesday, May 14.

Rahul Baba didn’t come to my farewell party. Instead he partied in Dubai. Why? Why? What did I do wrong? How much more could I have done? Things have been bad ever since Rahul Baba tore up that ordinance at the Gymkhana Club. I should never have trusted Kapil. He said Rahul Baba had seen it.

Pranab also did not come. It’s very unfair. When his wife did a dance recital, did I say no? It was two hours long, and in Bengali. He must still be angry because I became PM and not him. I don’t see why. It was an act of God. Is it my fault that I’m so much better looking than him?

At least Madam came. She gave me back the remote control. My wife has kept it. But she does not know that I have a secret plan. Late at night, I will creep downstairs and remove the batteries. Afterwards, whenever she points it at me, I’ll pretend that it’s working.

Free at last.
Thursday, May 15.

George W. Bush called. Such a nice boy. He invited me and the missus for a holiday at their ranch in Texas. Am in two minds. Supposing he offers me beef? Back home, I could get arrested.

Meanwhile, no call from Carla Bruni yet. Devastated.

Gursharan pointed the remote at me this morning and said, “Go and get some mosquito coils”. I went out and got them. The shopkeeper refused to take any money. He asked for a coal mine instead. I asked him to write me a letter. Ha Ha. Like I’m going to start answering letters now.

Gursharan looked pleased when I came back with the mosquito coils. She thinks the remote is working. I plan to obey everyone who points the remote at me. That way no one will know the truth.
Friday, May 16.

The election results are out. I am so glad they did not use my picture in the campaign. Anyway, it was bound to happen. I told them so many times that we should study this internet thing, but nobody listens. All they did was set up an inquiry commission, and we all know what that means. Our opponents were evil, but very good with technology. Narendra Modi twittered a lot. Plus he used something called Orkut.

So much bad news. Khurshid came fourth. It looks like he didn’t do enough for the handicapped. Am also saddened by the defeats of Sachin Pilot, Milind Deora, Priya Dutt, Sandeep Dixit, Misa Yadav and Jitendra Singh. If people don’t support the youth, what will happen to this country? Kapil was also defeated. I am disturbed. This means he will have more time to write poetry.

Praful Patel lost too. Will send him a model airplane to cheer him up.

On the other hand, N.D. Tiwari got married.

Have not told Gursharan, but am very inspired by this.

Saturday, May 17.

A hologram of Narendra Modi appeared in my living room to announce he has won. I tried to reach out and shake his hand, but received a mild electric shock. This is the problem with Narendra. Even his holograms don’t like human contact. My hand is still tingling. I have decided not to help him when he asks where all the files are.

A lotus has bloomed in our pond. Hit it repeatedly with a shovel but it refuses to sink. Stronger measures will be required.

Checked out secular fabric of the nation. Looks very frayed. Also it seems to be turning orange. Gursharan says not to worry, the fabric is quite strong.

Saw a stand-up comedy show where a bald comedian pretended to be me. It was funny. At one point, he whips off his turban and says, “Nalayak, thanks to you, even a sardar has turned bald”.

How did he know?
Sunday, May 18.

Priyanka came and had a cup of tea with me. She spent a lot of time looking at me thoughtfully. “I must say, Uncle Manny, you look very fit for your age,” she says.

Oh dear God, not again!