Monday, May 19

Mani Shankar Aiyar came to visit today. I offered him tea and he went ballistic! He flung the cup at a baby picture of Rahul Baba and stormed out of the house. Why did he get so mad? It was much too early for whisky.

Apparently that Nawaz Sharif will be coming for Modi’s coronation. Never liked the fellow. There’s something fishy about him. In the last 30 years his appearance has not changed. Of course, it helps if you have no hair. Putin’s case is very similar. He’s also a bodybuilder. He asked me to feel his bicep once, during a picnic by the Volga river. He was dressed in swimming trunks. One of the senior staffers at the PMO did it for me. He said it was like iron.

On the other hand, look at Vijay Mallya. All his bank managers are going bald, but his hair is flowing like a river.

Tuesday, May 20

Narendra Modi addressed Parliament today. He cried a lot. Seeing him, Gursharan also cried. “Why did you never cry like that?”, she asked me, sobbing into her pallu. I tried to explain about decorum and dignity and how Madam didn’t like it because it was too Italian, but right at that moment Modi dropped his head on the podium, overcome, and she didn’t hear me. I blame Karan Johar.

It was a treat to see Advani, though. The old goat couldn’t believe it when Modi cried and begged him not to insult him. His face was a picture. His mouth was open like a fish. It was classic. I re-wound it three or four times. I paused it for a while just to look at his face. I’ve become quite an expert with a remote.

Well, he always wanted a strong PM. Now he’s got one.

Wednesday, May 21

Have decided to write a book. Everyone else is. Must ask Gursharan where she kept the typewriter.

Lotus still blooming in pond. Tried to take it out with a flamethrower, but it remained intact. I could use poison, but what will happen to all the koi fish?

Thursday, May 22

Priyanka dropped in again. She brought me some vitamins. Such a nice, kind girl.

Friday, May 23

Arvind Kejriwal is refusing to come out of jail again. It’s like some kind of disease. In this case, it was something to do with Nitin Gadkari. Arvind looks very grumpy. He feels all this is unfair. I completely agree with him. I saw Gadkari in RSS shorts once. I wanted to put my eyes out. He should have been arrested for indecent exposure.

Gursharan pointed the remote at me this evening and asked me to take out the trash. I felt compelled to obey. I thought I had removed the batteries but perhaps she has replaced them? Must creep downstairs tonight and check.

Monday, May 26

Modi was sworn in as PM today. Was very disappointed. The samosas were terrible. The sandwiches were soggy. The tea was cold. Pranab used to run a tight ship. After going to Rashtrapati Bhavan, he seems to have given up. Is this Bengali hospitality? It’s true what they say. Bengal is going to the dogs.

Shook hands with Nawaz Sharif. Knew I would have to do this, so I did not wear a wristwatch, and I left my wallet at home. Asked him whether anyone had given him chicken biryani yet. He said no.

Saw Mukesh and Gautam sitting together. Such fine boys, doing so much for the country. They’re beginning to look very similar. If Gautam loses some weight and Mukesh gains some, they could be twins.

Tuesday, May 27

Narendra Modi came to see me. I poked him with a rubber chappal to check whether it was a hologram, but it was him. He asked to see the remote control. Gursharan fetched it for him. He held it in his hands for a while, turning it over and over, before handing it back to her. He left without saying anything. I sensed he was being judgy.

I’m not afraid. History will be my judge, especially if I can get William Dalrymple to write it for me.