Monday, June 16

Smriti Irani will be shooting for a film with Rishi Kapoor and Abhishek Bachchan. Asin is playing her daughter. Am astonished. Had no idea Abhishek was still making movies.

Discussed this with Gursharan. She was supportive of Smriti. “At least she has a post-retirement plan,” she said. “Unlike some people.”

Thought about this as I watered the bougainvilleas. She must disapprove of me doing nothing. Cannot understand why. It never bothered her before. However, Madam has given her the remote control, and she is unhappy. Must create post-retirement plan. Perhaps Montek can help. He’s good at planning, and he doesn’t have much to do. He just shifted from Aurangzeb Road to GK 2. Feel guilty I could not get him a bungalow. Must catch him before he joins the World Bank again.

Tuesday, June 17

Modi has sworn to fight price rise. Ha ha. This should be good. I should get popcorn.

Saw Tavleen Singh on TV. Very well-preserved. She was angry about Preity Zinta creating a fuss. According to her, rich girls should not complain in case of crime, because it’s insulting to poor girls. Wish I had thought of this when we were sending Kanimozhi to jail.

Wednesday, June 18

Who says I left the economy in bad shape? The economy is doing brilliantly! Last year, Indians were the biggest purchasers of property in London’s Mayfair district, where all the palaces are. 25% of all purchases were by Indians, compared to 13% for the Middle East, Europeans, and Russians put together. Am very excited. Thanks to me, we’re rocking! We’re buying up Britain! The Rajnigandha ad is coming true! I should contact them. This could be a job option. Their pack is blue, my turban is blue – it’s perfect!

Apparently, the Delhi Secretariat will be getting wi-fi. Seems like a very wasteful move. Why do they need stereo music in a government office?

Thursday, June 19

Today is Rahul Baba’s birthday. He turned 44, just like our strength in the Lok Sabha. If only they had chosen me as leader. We could have doubled our tally.

Some gangsters have threatened Nusli Wadia. What rascals. Luckily they left SMS messages as proof, so catching them should be easy.

Was feeling bored in the evening. Gursharan suggested watching The Mummy Returns on DVD. Am really impressed. After so many requests, Madam finally agreed to continue as our leader last week. Already they’ve made a movie?

Friday, June 20

Smriti has set me thinking. Should I consider acting? I have relevant experience. I performed the role of PM for years.

Mysterious jackfruit thefts are happening in our locality. As I had predicted, law and order is really deteriorating under Modi. To be fair, the police came quickly. The victim was Rajya Sabha MP Mahendra Prasad. Delhi Police checked the surviving jackfruits for fingerprints. Footprints measuring approximately six inches have been discovered. Children are being suspected. Prasad said that yesterday the tree had nine fruits, but today there are only seven. This means that he counts them every day.

Went out into the garden and checked our own jackfruit tree. It has six.

Saturday, June 21

Such a smart fellow this Najeeb Jung is. He managed to run Delhi without anyone electing him, and now he’s not letting go. He reminds me of me. Now he’s sent people to Gujarat to study the Gujarat model. If Mulayam becomes PM, he’ll be cycling to office every day.

The South African Broadcasting Corporation chief has been awarded a wife by the government, for commitment to job and strategic understanding. Feeling regretful. Should have done this with Sanjaya Baru.

Gursharan asked me whether I would like Pasta or Pizza for dinner. Called Madam but her number was engaged. Finally Gursharan was getting hungry, so we tossed a coin.

Sunday, June 22

Nitin Gadkari has suggested Advani for President! Just when I thought he was finished. This is no time to relax. Must take steps.