Rahul Gandhi is back. Finally. Or is he really? Well, he has to be, considering Twitter has announced his arrival with #RahulReturns. And Twitter, of course, is the final word on all things.

But wait. Is that even Rahul or some Changeling that even Angelina Jolie won’t fight for? Those are several questions but the ones that really need to be answered are:

Where was Rahul Gandhi? Why two months? Will he be made the Congress president now? What is up with the new lightsaber? Is that ticket even real?

He has been back almost two days now but no one really knows where he went. But that hasn’t stopped people from guessing. They’re probably already making a movie about the whole shindig titled “Around the world in 52 days”. Because that is what really happened. But did it? Because we don’t know. And it seems all other media houses, with their infinite sources, resources and cash at their disposal, don’t have an effing clue either.

If all the rumours are to be believed at the same time (you should never believe rumours selectively, that takes the fun out of life), Rahul has been to Italy to meet an old friend, Greece to reflect, Maynamar to detox, Bangkok to buy kurtas made of bamboo and, let’s never forget, Uttarakhand, to chill out in a tent.

Breaking news: They found a ticket

The internet I tell you, has all the answers

According to the ticket, Rahul took Thai Airways flight TG332 from Indira Gandhi International Airport on February 16 to Bangkok. The return ticket mentions that he took Thai Airways flight TG 323 from Bangkok on April 16 to Delhi. But, hey, if the Internet has taught us anything, it is that screen shots that pop up on the Internet have to be true.

No truer words have been made into a meme.

 Also look what I can do

Hey Ma look, I was in Thailand

Uttarakhand

The first sighting of Rahul after his “leave” was in Uttrakhand.  Images of him camping out in the wild were released by Congress worker Jagdish Sharma on Twitter.

Hey there baby! (Read in husky voice)

But it turned out that these images were old ones and that debunked that theory.

Italy

Then Rahul turned up In Italy. After flying to Bangkok, Rahul took a detour to London before landing in nanihal. Sources (even we have them) tell us he was greeted with a glass of nimboopani at the airport.

In Italy, he spent a week with his maternal aunt, another in Milan and yet another at a fancy hotel on Lake Como where he caught up with an old friend.

Let’s imagine it was this Hotel

And let’s imagine it was this friend

Greece

No, hold your breath. There was no news of the crown prince finally getting hitched in a big fat Greek wedding with feta cheese and olives. According to NDTV, he flew to Greece to “reflect upon recent events and the future course of the party.”  Of course, NDTV knew.

Myanmar

All the country-hopping must have caught up with Rahul because he then checked into a meditation retreat in Myanmar. We are not sure if he got some tips on how to protest from Aung San Suu Kyi, but we are hoping he did because it sure as hell is going to come in handy during the Land Ordinance protests.

The art of protesting. Or not.

Thailand

After all the meditation and peaceful relaxing, it was time for one last spell of intense partying. Because if you are a South Delhi brat, no fun is ever complete without some late night partying in Bangkok.

India

Okay, no. He was in India the whole time. That has to be it.

Confused? You should be. We say: don’t be, because the country wouldn’t have been any different had he been around.