Television news has hit rock bottom –– said many after an astrologer and a godman shoved and slapped each other around on live TV. Erm, really? Why do I think you have been living under that rock for the last few years?

In any case, for people who haven’t yet seen the viral clip of the brawl on a show on IBN-7, here it is.

Since people more enterprising than me have already written in detail about the sequence of events, I wouldn’t bother.  But, honestly, was it really that extraordinary in the context of modern Indian TV news? The physical violence bit maybe, but over-the-top histrionics? Isn’t it what drives that enigmatic entity innocuously named Television Rating Points (TRP) for which most TV news channels would give up on everything else — including journalism?  Of course, like most things that are not mathematical truisms, there are exceptions like some shows on NDTV, most notably Ravish Kumar’s shows, and the odd Zakka Jacob on CNN IBN, but they’re as representative of TV news as I am of fitness.

This is the decade of histrionics on television news as IBN-7’s coverage of our slap-happy astrologer and godman’s brawl proves. It was quick to cut out the portion of the show where the scuffle took place and upload it as a stand-alone news feature on its website.  Almost cutely, they added a line below the video to let us know that they condemn the violence.  Condemn it so much that even in the immediate aftermath of the scrap, it ran breaking news tickers about the incident and a detailed “discussion” on it, which meant the clip was played over and over again. Leading the way, the group president of the channel, Umesh Upadhyay, tweeted – not once but twice – condemning the incident; each time with the video of the scuffle, of course.

And, why not?  Drama sells like nothing else on Indian television news – and to survive in what is a cut-throat market, you can’t be on Smita Patel mode when the audience clearly wants Salman Khan. Also, what do you possibly do when one of your competitors, during the same time slot, is dissecting the “Americanised” acoustic version of a Bhojpuri song called Lollipop Lagelu? Yes, that’s exactly what News24 was up to when Madam Astrologer and Sir Godman were raining blows on each other on IBN7. You see what I mean by a cut-throat market? The song’s quite nice, actually. Check it out.

Also, please let’s not fool ourselves into believing that this was a one-off incident. When Aam Aadmi Party’s Ashutosh cried during a show on Aaj Tak, the channel ran it all day, bulletin after bulletin. It was pure gold for Indian TV news – the kind of stuff the marketing guys get off on.

The idea is simple: make a spectacle of yourself and pimp it out as much as you can. The most popular shows on Indian TV news (that some people like to call debates) could easily pass off as a scene from a fish market – and they are here to stay. Their numbers are proof.

The promo of Times Now’s flagship show, Newshour, which was one of the first to master the art of histrionics, begins with a voiceover saying “Every Indian loves a good debate”, followed by a montage of Arnab Goswami outraging. It is telling in its simplicity: there are no pretensions, no promises of anything substantial or intelligent. The fact that Times Now, a market leader in its segment, uses something like this to promote its most important show only corroborates that hysteria sells.

Let’s get this straight: much as we bemoan the state of TV news in India, it is not going to change. Not anytime soon at least. The age of histrionics in Indian television arrived a few years ago – and, thanks to a flawed model, it is here for the long haul.  I will not be surprised if more news channels start inviting the brawling astrologer and godman for their debates from now on. Imagine the two of them together with Arnab Goswami and Subramanian Swamy. That would be genuinely compelling television. Just not news, though.