What do you do when you think your mother has murdered your sister, tried to sedate and murder you, and actually been arrested and jailed for hatching a plot with her ex-husband and driver to murder the aforementioned sister? You join Bigg Boss Bangla as a contestant, obviously. At least that’s what Mikhail Bora seems to have done as the logical next step in being part of a murder investigation.

After all, what could be better than locking yourself up in a house in Lonavala without any contact with the outside world? Maybe this is India’s novel new witness protection programme.

First things first. What is Bigg Boss Bangla? Just when you thought that Bigg Boss was over and done with for this year, it seems Bengal has decided that it must show that it is no longer the land of culture and Rabindranath Tagore and Satyajit Ray. So, welcome aboard the second season of Bigg Boss Bangla, filled with as many strange “celebrities” as the original Bigg Boss mother ship.

The show is hosted by Bengal’s answer to Salman Khan, Jeet. Jeet is a Sindhi gentleman who acts in Bengali cinema, is an action hero and has recently acted in a film called Power. Who says Bengal isn’t inclusive? Come, breathe in a bit of Bengal.

If this Chulbul Pandey-redux look of Jeet’s hasn’t convinced you of his worthiness, consider his previous seminal work in the title track of the 2011 film, 100% Love. A more worthy contender to Khan’s throne would be difficult to find.

The Bengali version of the show is being shot in the same Lonavala Bigg Boss house. So the audiences who are making up the crowds in the studio, cheering for the Bengali stars of the show every weekend during the elimination rounds, probably have no clue who these contestants are or what they’re saying. That’s reality TV for you.

Of the contestants, I only recognised one face other than Bora’s and that was of actress Rii, who acted in the evocatively titled film Gandu, directed by her partner Q, in which she went down in history not for her thespian skills, but for going down on another actor. The rest are TV and film stars and singers, with less colourful pasts.

But back to Bora, who I must commend for realising that this is an extremely cushy way to make money. You first give interview after interview to news stations, giving varying versions of how your mother did or did not try to kill you and how she definitely did kill your sister, which you knew of but didn’t feel necessary to reveal to the police. So you’ve already won the prize for Charming Brother Of The Millennium. Now that your cash cow mother has been arrested and interest in you has died down, you carpe the Bigg Boss diem, which allows you the chance of being on a television programme watched by the whole of Bengal, and helps you earn reportedly Rs 50,000 in just the first week. You’re living without any expenses and getting famous while doing so. Win-win-win. So what if you’re actually part of a Central Bureau of Investigation probe and are now publicly sharing the details of one of the most sensational murders we’ve heard of in a while?

There’s something rather perfect about this second season’s tagline being “byata dumukho”, which translates to “two-faced brat”.

I don’t know how kosher it is to discuss your innocence in a murder investigation or share details of the investigation on primetime TV while it’s underway, but Bora seems to be doing so quite happily. This is like Robert Durst or Phil Spector joining Big Brother. Once again proving that what Bengal does today, the rest of the world will do tomorrow.

My focused research has informed me that Bora has lasted on the show for over a month now, not getting eliminated because people are actually voting for him. This is in keeping with history which has shown us that the people of Bengal are not known for being very particular about who they vote for.

So far, Bora has cleaned house and shared little anecdotes about his sister’s relationship with Rahul Mukerjea. He’s spoken of how he was neglected by Indrani Mukerjea and that after his grandparents sent him to Indrani, she drugged him and sent him to a rehabilitation centre. He’s said he actually wasn’t a drug addict, that he trusted his mother and had no clue his sister was dead. Peter Mukerjea and the entire family had apparently been told that Sheena Bora was Indrani’s sister and Mikhail was her brother. Once he knew Sheena was dead, he didn’t rat his mother out because he was dependent on her for money. Poor fellow. Between money and standing up for his murdered sister, he just decided to choose the former.

But more than these revelations, the more entertaining aspect of Bora’s stay on Bigg Boss Bangla has been when he physically picked up another contestant, Aviral, who was irritating everyone. He then swung Aviral from side to side like a ragdoll, till Aviral started throwing up and had to be removed from the house and hospitalised – which is where he remains till today.

This stuff is so good, I can’t make it up.

My question is – despite how entertained and amused I was to find not only that Bigg Boss Bangla was on-air but that Bora was a contestant – what kind of law allows a key witness in a case under investigation to appear on primetime TV and make statements about his innocence and the guilt of others? Dear uncaged parrot, shouldn’t you look into this?

More importantly, I am happy to see that the Bigg Boss franchise is tackling the rising unemployment problem in India head-on and is providing an honest living for so many people. My suggestion would be for Endemol and Colors to put this in their corporate social responsibility expenditure for the year, and name Mikhail Bora as their well-rounded mascot. Here’s to you Mikhail, for showing us how to turn adversity, your sibling’s murder and your mother’s incarceration into a money-making opportunity.

You can watch Bigg Boss Bangla every day at 9pm on Colors Bangla.

The author can be reached on twitter @rajyasree