On an overcast Sunday afternoon in mid-May, two Central Reserve Police Force personnel are on their regular duty standing on a pavement close to a private high school in Baghat Barzulla, on the outskirts of Srinagar. Holding their rifles close to their arms, they’ve been told to stay alert as a convoy carrying the governor can drive past at any time. In between relaying coded messages on their wireless sets, they keep a close eye on the road and people who pass by.

Years of strenuous hours of duty on the streets in Kashmir, and having witnessed three intense public uprisings of 2008, 2010 and 2016, has taken a toll on him. He says he’s only 35. Most of his hair has greyed, which makes him look older than his age.

“We are supposed to do our duty here as it’s our job”, he says, originally from Rajasthan and posted in Kashmir since 2008. Not allowed to speak to the media unless officially permitted, he did not want to disclose his name.

I asked him to share his thoughts on the situation in Kashmir since the last year and the ongoing student protests. Initially, he seemed reluctant to talk more. Instead, he said they’re here to just do their duty and stay away from politics.  “We are given orders by our higher ups and we have to follow them”, the CRPF personnel said. “Rest we don’t know the politics here. That is the work of politicians.”

I pretended as if I was waiting for the bus. Interested in their thoughts, I stayed on, trying to keep the conversation going. He rolled some chewing tobacco on his palm, with his right thumb. After chewing some and giving the rest to his colleague, he opened up a bit more about the situation in Kashmir. Standing close to him, his fellow CRPF personnel, who’s from Haryana and posted in Kashmir since the past four years, also joined in the conversation.  He thinks the Peoples Democratic Party-Bharatiya Janata Party alliance has not gone down well with people in Kashmir.

“Unki alag soch hai, aur inki alag soch hai (both parties have different beliefs),” he said, referring to the alliance of two ideologically opposite partners in PDP and BJP who have formed the government in the state. “Kahin pe milap nahi hai (There’s no meeting point).”

“Politician log chahatein hai apni kursi bacha ke rakhna (the politicians only want to save their seats),” the other CRPF personnel went on, pointing out that it is the failure of the political class when people come out to protest on the streets.

About the use of pellets and bullets to quell protests since last year, the two CRPF personnel put up a defence, saying that they’re “forced to fire pellets” when stones are pelted at them during protests. “Apni marzi se nahi kartein” (we don’t do so on our own whim), one of the CRPF personnel added as an afterthought.

He points at a few boys walking past the road after attending their tuition classes in a nearby coaching centre. “There’s no issue this time when everyone goes about their work, but when some youth come out to protest and pelt stones at us, we’re forced to respond with force”, the CRPF personnel said, adding that they normally fire pellets below the waist, on the legs, to deter protestors. “Magar jab sar ke upar se ho jata hai, tab pellet gun use kartein hain… (When there’re intense protests, we have to use more pellet guns),” he said.

“Pathar marne se koi solution nahi niklega (Throwing stones is no solution),” the younger CRPF personnel from Haryana, interjects. He wants the parents of the protesting youth and students to make them understand that “stone-pelting will not solve anything”.

“Sarkar se aaj tak koi jeeta nahi hai (no one has won against the government till date)”, he declares with confidence.

His elder colleague, the CRPF personnel from Rajasthan who has also served in Assam and New Delhi before being posted in Kashmir, says that in other states the agitation remains only for a month or two, and then it subsides. But in Kashmir, he emphasised, the protests carry on for months together. “Yahan kabhi shant nahi hota hai…Wohi problem hai yahan… (The situation is never calm here. That is the problem)”.

The two CRPF personnel said their parents, wives and children back home always worry about them. “They keep watching news about Kashmir on TV and then they worry about us,” he said. They can’t bring their wives to the valley because, as they said, “there’s not much space to accommodate and live with them here”.

About the recent killing of 23-year-old army officer Lieutenant Umar Fayaz in south Kashmir, the CRPF personnel said it was unfair to target him while he was on leave. “But for militants he was not an ordinary person but an army man”, the CRPF personnel said, adding that it’s wrong to harm forces in this manner.

The CRPF personnel from Haryana, who’s younger to his colleague by a few years, says they can be posted anywhere in the country, and that for them “Kashmir India se alag nahi hai.”

“Aap nahi mantein honge,” he went on, addressing me to emphasise his point, “magar humare nazar main ye India ka hi part hai (For you it might not be, but in our view Kashmir is part of India)”. He said since he was born that’s how he’s always seen Kashmir being depicted in Indian maps and Bollywood films, and being talked about as an “atoot ang (inseparable limb)”.

“It’s an integral part of India for us”, he repeats. “That is what we have grown up thinking of Kashmir.”

“Aam janta ki sooch mai yahan ye dispute hoga…”, he continued, then added as an afterthought, “sochne wali baat hai… sarkar kaise chhod degi…itna paisa kharch kar rahe hai yahan… (For ordinary people here, it’s a dispute, but think why will the government leave Kashmir…they’re spending so much of money on development work here)”.

He’s convinced that New Delhi sends more development funds to Kashmir. But he adds that people don’t see that money being spent on the developmental work on the ground. “Centre se paisa bohot aata hai. Yahan ke mantri kha lete hain beech mein…” He said he’s seen many MLAs in Kashmir who have become rich and acquired a lot of property over the years from the corruption money.

Meanwhile, his elder colleague interrupts to add that if India leaves Kashmir, “China nahi chhodega…” (China will not leave Kashmir).  He’s convinced that China will attack and occupy Kashmir region if India ever lets it go. “They will attack Kashmir if our forces leave Kashmir,” he said. “Some part of Kashmir will be occupied by Pakistan and some by China.”

Kashmir can’t survive as an independent nation either, he added, because “China attack karege…” (The Chinese will attack Kashmir).

Having completed more than four years of his posting in Kashmir, the CRPF personnel from Rajasthan tells me that he’ll be shifting next month to Naxal-affected Chhattisgarh, where he will be posted for the next four years. He’ll be posted in the Sukhma district of Chhattisgarh where 25 CRPF personnel were recently killed in an ambush by the Naxals on April 28.

Is he worried about his next posting in the Maoist-affected district where there’s a danger to his life given the recent attacks on CRPF? “Jahan sarkar bhejegi, wahan jana hota hai.” He says he has no option other than obeying the government orders.

He’s already been briefed about the dangers of his next posting in the Naxal-affected areas. He’s also doing his own research to find out more. In Chhattisgarh alone, he informs, there are more Maoists than militants in the entire valley. “Chhattisgarh has more than 1000 Maoists”, he says, adding that there have been a lot of casualties of CRPF personnel there due to IED blasts and ambushes carried out by the Naxals. “Wahan har ghar mai Naxali hain….” (Every home has a Maoist there).

Pointing at the bulletproof vest he’s wearing, he says it won’t work in Chhattisgarh when he’ll go on patrol duty in Naxal-affected areas. “Wahan goli ka kum IED se marne ka khatra zyada hai (You’re more likely to die there from an IED blast than a bullet)”, he says.

“Wahan kisi bhi time maut aa sakti hai”, he adds, pointing out that the threat to their life there is such that if a CRPF personnel leaves in the morning from his camp for patrol duty, he can’t be sure he’ll return alive to his camp in the evening.

Will he be paid better in Chhattisgarh than what he’s being paid in Kashmir, I ask him? “If a Jawan dies in Chhattisgarh while on duty, the government now gives Rs 1 crore to his family,” he says. “But that’s not the case if there is a CRPF causalty here in Kashmir,” he adds. “Utna paisa nahi milta hai jitna wahan milega family ko…”

I ask him if he’s particularly afraid of being posted next in the Sukma district of Chhattisgarh given the recent attack by Naxals there on CRPF. “Jis ki jahan maut likhi hai, wahin aayega” (death is destined for everyone) he says with a smile.

I was briefly able to talk to another CRPF personnel in Lal Chowk, Srinagar. A resident of Ambala, Haryana, he agreed to talk but wished not to be named so that his identity is protected. Posted in Kashmir since 2014, in his mid-Forties, he said 2016 was a very tense year for them given the widespread protests and stone-pelting they faced while on duty in many city areas. But he’s still satisfied with his job. Every month he gets to send money back to his family and two children who are dependent on him. “We get paid for our duty and our children have been able to study only due to this job with the CRPF”, he said, pointing out that there’s a lot of unemployment at his home state and those employed in private sector there are paid less. He’s thankful that he at least has a “permanent naukri” in CRPF and he’s able to make a decent living for his family.

When asked about the use of force and pellet guns on unarmed protestors in Kashmir, the CRPF personnel defended their actions. “Look at our condition too, we are hated here and we also get injured when stones are thrown at us,” he said, adding that they’re often at the receiving end of stone-pelting by angry protestors. “When we wind up and have to return to our camps in the evening, sometimes stones come from the darkness.”

“Why do they throw stones at us?”, he wonders. “Hum duty karnein atein hai yahan, phir chale jatein hain shaam ko…” (We are here to do our duty and then leave back to our camps in the evening).

I ask him how a solution could be arrived at. He said he would rather want a dialogue process between New Delhi and the people of Kashmir to resolve all issues. Otherwise everyone will be caught up and suffer in this endless cycle of violence and uncertainty, he added, without a resolution in sight.

Before he slowly walked away from his colleague to stand guard on another pavement close to the main road, he offered a parting line in Hindi.

“Duniya mai kisi bhi samasya ka hul baat cheet hai”

(Any issue in the world can be resolved by dialogue). Ironical coming from a man who spends his days shooting bullets and dodging stones.