Patriarchy is tipping its hat to women’s empowerment in Haryana. Women have breached male-dominated khaps – the ‘men-only clubs’. Not that women have overthrown men in khaps. That still remains the preserve of men. But what has changed is men have been compelled to constitute women’s wings in khaps and appoint women to head them, which, in itself, is huge.

​Notorious for issuing extra-judicial diktats, holding kangaroo courts, meddling in inter-caste and within gotra marriages and condoning honour killings, khaps are now attempting a benign makeover by electing the educated and trying to eradicate dowry, the purdah system and gender bias.​

A khap is a social organization, acting as a quasi-judicial body, usually comprising elders who set rules for the area under their influence. Khap history dates back to 600 AD, during the times of Harsh Vardhana of Kanauj, who united Jat clans across North India. Today, there are an estimated 70 khaps in Haryana.

The 10 big khaps in the state include Gathwala (Malik), Narwal, Dahiya, Satrol, Meham Chaubishi, Nogama, Khera, Boora and Kandela. The Dahiya, Satrol and Boora khaps have women’s wings with women presidents, who, in turn, have formed women’s committees at village, block and district levels.

Women finding place in khaps is not new. But it’s only in recent years that their roles outside their homes are being clearly defined. One reason could be because sons and daughters with education are standing up for mothers and sisters and young couples are weighing in for their daughters

For the first time, Santosh Dahiya, a Ph.D in Physical Education, was made the women’s wing chief of Sarv Khap Sarv Panchayat in 2010. Poonam Boora, with a doctorate in Hindi, was nominated chief of the women’s wing of the Boora khap recently.

Both women in their role as women’s wing chiefs help resolve matrimonial and dowry disputes. They are also reminders that women power is here to stay. Dahiya said her responsibility has increased. “We’re put to task if we fail to resolve differences,” she said. “I like being referred to as the ‘voice of women’.”

Poonam Boora comes from a family of social workers. “The first thing I did was ask men to support me fight honour killings, curb female foeticide and correct gender bias,” she said.

A professor in Kurukshetra University, Santosh Dahiya was honoured for making a “social impact” by former President Pranab Muhkerjee. She adds a splash of colour to the khap. Men rise to their feet and offer her a place in the front row of Taujis and Dadajis.

An Ahlawat Jat from Dighal village, Dahiya’s first battle was to “unveil women”. She faced resistance but her insistence won the day. She says domestic violence and female foeticide are her big challenges. She recalls an incident when a woman sarpanch refused to take off her veil while addressing a gathering because her husband wouldn’t want her to, but agreed to remove it to stand up for women’s rights. Poonam Boora’s problem is that men take women’s issues casually. “We want reform but hesitate to speak up for fear of a male backlash,” she says.

Dahiya says most of the cases that land with her are of domestic violence and dowry harassment from women who do not have anyone to turn to for getting justice, even when the law is loaded for them. Citing a case, Dahiya speaks of a woman named Karamjit Kaur from Ambala. “She wrote a detailed letter to me alleging that her husband’s relatives were after their lives, physically torturing them and not giving their share of the family property to them,” says Dahiya.

“I held several rounds of meetings with the couple, the other family members and the police. Finally, the matter was resolved with the help of the village panchayat. Karamjit and her husband got their share in property and wealth.”

Dahiya says she gets complaints on her mobile phone and via letters. Poonam Boora speaks of a woman of Sampla town in Rohtak district who was allegedly poisoned to death by her in-laws. The woman’s parents were distraught not only by the death of their daughter but also because of police inaction.

“I got to know of the case when I was attending a panchayat meeting in Sampla. I immediately accompanied the parents to the police station and got an FIR registered,” says Boora. “The result was quick. All the accused were arrested without any further delay.”

She says in most such cases she herself ends up being targeted by ‘husbands’ who register a counter-case against her for allegedly “threatening them”.

The reality is Haryana’s women want their place in the sun. Higher education, sport and good jobs are priorities for them. And Santosh Dahiya and Poonam Boora have broken the mould of the submissive Haryana woman. Of Haryana’s 2.55 crore population, 1.19 crore are women. Their literacy rate is 66.80%, and 13 of the state’s 90 MLAs are women.

Education and financial security gave Dahiya the freedom to speak out. “Khap leaders used to consult me on women’s issues. They named me head of women’s wing of my khap in 2010,” she says. Poonam says her following and popularity among women compelled the khap to nominate her. “The success of Beti Bachao-Beti Padhao (BBBP) campaign is transforming society. For the first time, the state’s child sex ratio is over 900-plus girls per 1000 boys,” says Dahiya.

The two say the presence of women at khap meetings is the biggest change. Earlier, even female victims of male oppression were kept out of khap meets called to decide their fate. “Not anymore. More women have become village heads in recent years,” says Boora. “Village women do not go to the police and court. They take their problems to the khap.” Another change is public appreciation of women achievers. Khaps honour young women who become officers in the Indian Army and bag medals in international games.

Boora mobilised women in Jind, Hisar and Rohtak to help them move forward in education, self-help and “dealing with menfolk”. “A number of young couples have asked me why khaps never allowed same gotra marriages,” she says. “I tell them it is a socio-psychological phenomenon not a biological impossibility.”

The male version

The message seems to have hit home. The attitudes of men are changing. Om Prakash of Bohar village says parents want daughters to go for higher studies but not to colleges located in cities because of the distance involved and eve-teasing in buses.

Sunil Jaglan, ex-sarpanch of Bibipur village and co-coordinator of the Jind khap, seconds Om Prakash. He says Haryana’s women have “aggression in their blood” but “eve-teasing in buses and distance from home have forced women from taking up good jobs”. Their political ambitions have also not gone unnoticed.

Radhey Shyam of Ambala says khap leaders realise that women also have political ambitions. Santosh Dahiya contested the 2014 assembly poll and Poonam Boora is a BJP member. “Women are setting examples,” says senior Congress leader and former Home minister Subhash Batra. “Women have found a voice in khaps.”

Former CPI(M) state secretary Inderjit Singh has a different take. “Khaps will vanish with the passing of the present generation,” he says. “Gen-next will make decisions based on scientific approach.” Diktats of khaps no longer count as liberal ideas have taken hold. Stern warnings and fear of the law rule.

Geeta Saharan threw off her veil in 2016. “I became sarpanch in 2016. I threw off the veil when I saw what was happening around me,” says Saharan, the sarpanch of Kaluwana village in Sirsa district. Savita Malik of Gadhwala khap says men still dominate decision-making but women leaders like Santosh Dahiya and Poonam Boora are a refreshing change. “Now I get invited to every khap meeting held in and around my village,” says Malik.

“Curiosity led me to meet Santosh and Poonam. I was amazed to see them create their own space in a man’s world,” says Haryana University student Monika Godara. Commonwealth Games gold medallist Babita Phogat is impressed by the “everlasting” change. “After Geeta Phogat set an example, the country got hundreds of female wrestlers,” she says.

The change in mindset was visible when schoolgirls staged a protest in a Rewari village for the upgradation of their school and forced state action. Cultural historian Ranbir Singh Phaugat attributes that to the BBBP campaign. Villagers say schoolgirls now demand safe buses and educational facilities closer home. Eve-teasing remains a scourge but the khap rhetoric on dress code and girls carrying mobile phones has mellowed.

“Every khap is willing to liberate women and empower them to take decisions,” says Tek Ram Kandela of Khandela khap. Mahtab Singh Malik of the Gadhwala (Malik) Khap says women constitute a minority in khaps but their inputs have been “brilliant in modern paradigms of decision-making”.

The khaps got together to honour wrestler Sakshi Malik after she won a medal in the Rio Olympics in 2016. The Phogat sisters were hailed when Dangal was released. And Meenu Malik of Atail village was praised for sensitising women to the issue of Jat reservations. The activism of women like Santosh Dahiya and Poonam Boora, with strong leadership qualities, is breaking the mould of the submissive Haryana woman.

The author can be contacted on Twitter @satsingh15