Hello, and welcome to The Third Slip—the weekly newsletter that is like Santa Claus. That’s right, we leave most of the work for the last minute, appearing like we’ve just crawled through a chimney, make a judgemental list of who’s naughty and who’s nice, are ignored by most adults and bring joy to child-like humans who laugh at most jokes.

This is issue 92. Not to be mistaken for nine to two, which is scientifically the toughest time to stay awake after a heavy Christmas lunch. Just to avoid the confusion, we’ve made this issue extremely soporific. So don’t blame yourself if you fall asleep. Grab a pillow, and let’s go…

Top pick topics

Christmas Crib: Tis the season to be jolly, and spread the cheer. And if you are of a religious proclivity, the season in which you will find God in a manger. For everyone else though, there’s a dog in the manger. The richest country in the world is forced to shutdown the government because it has no more money—and its toddler of a President won’t give it any, until he gets to build a gigantic, impractical wall to keep out immigrants who’re just improving their climbing skills. Ladies and gentlemen, the United States of America, 2018. Superpower.

That’s not PC!: Oh look, the government can now snoop on your PCs. So if you do anti-national things using your comp (like, er, writing newsletters?) be scared. Wondering what to do now that you need to disconnect from your PC? Try reading this nice book, 1984. Meanwhile, the government tried to clarify that this was not a new law, they just took a 2009 law to its (il)logical conclusion. This order sounds so draconian that the only way it makes sense is if some minister’s request for a new monitor for his PC got misinterpreted as “monitor personal computers”.

Climactic climatic change change: It’s amazing that we actually need to celebrate 200 countries coming together to formally sign a deal saying we won’t annihilate the planet, but in the Trump era, we’ll take what we can get. The Paris Agreement lives!

More news at home

UP UP and Away: Guess the state contest: A cow was killed, so people were lynched, including a cop, and its CM said the Opposition planned it, and he himself should be congratulated. Meanwhile, cops admit the arrested people were innocent.

Not sasta-attainable: In the Sustainable Development Goals rankings released by NITI Aayog this week which measures things that actually matter—like health care, gender equality, education, etc., Himachal Pradesh, Kerala, and TN topped the charts. In another guess the state contest with the same answer as the previous section—who ranks last amongst Indian states in the SDG Index?

Diss combo discombobulation: A Manipuri journo was imprisoned for criticising the BJP. Expect way more obtuse puns and references in TTS from now on: We value our freedom too much, so out-GMAT-ing the folks in Orange is the only way we can stay out of the OrangeWhichIsTheNewBlack (also, ignore our pleas to share this newsletter. Filter bubbles are nice).

Carrying the coalition to new castle: As exemplified by UPA II, the surest way for leadership to end in disaster is to appease constituents of your group all the time. But why learn lessons and all ya? Same old Congress has yet again squandered the chance for decisive leadership in Rajasthan by appointing Ashok Gehlot as the CM but with a Sachin Pilot as his deputy kicker. (Yay, RG for PM?)

Around the world

Self-defence secretary: Jim Mattis, the US Secretary of Defense, quit saying he couldn’t work with the president anymore, especially after taking random military decisions without consulting anyone. All you need to know about this administration is that a dude whose nickname is “Mad Dog” was considered the voice of stability.

MAGAlomaniac: And President Trump used his charity’s money for personal reasons and it’s amazing that we’re still surprised by such things. Also, hint: when Vlad Putin says something you did (like pulling out of Syria) is right, it probably isn’t.

What’s the rush ya?: This week in “we already knew that, but thanks for the 5,000-word investigation, NYT”: Russians targeted African-Americans and other Democratic-leaning groups, encouraging them to not vote (aw, and they used cuddly li’l Instagram. Brutes!)

Belt and rod: It’s no secret that China’s “infrastructure diplomacy” of building ports and stuff in other countries is being done essentially to expand its own borders—and we saw that this week as things took a rather military turn in a country where China’s policy of “belt and road” really means that China has it by the balls, Pakistan.

Check-in sandwich: No Brexit hilarity this week, but some drones at London’s Gatwick Airport caused 800 flights to get delayed, affecting 120,000 people in one of the busiest times of the year. Wait, rogue actors influencing tons of people leading to a bad outcome where everyone is stuck is the quintessential Brexit metaphor.

Party Animal: China’s Xi Jinping who loves to ask the question “where’s the party tonight” asserted in a 40-year anniversary address that the party must control “all tasks” and basically said “China rocks. Specifically, I rock. Anyone who thinks otherwise—good luck to ya. Oh and no chance of liberalizing and being frenz with USA”.

Tech & Business

Tunnel vision: Tesla’s tunnel might be ridiculous, but this is the funniest review of it you’ll ever read. Really, 2018 was the year the sheen was removed from Musk.

Consult shaming: McKinsey—once your dream destination while in a B-school—have been naughty lads in suits, helping to prop up authoritarian governments around the world. Maybe using bullet points instead of bullets helped keep them under the radar. And the other BSchool dream—Goldman Sachs—is in deep kakkoos also.

Zucks to be you: A leak of Facebook’s 250 pages’ worth of internal emails this week established that cute corporate mission aside, they only care about making a ton of money. If you like to keep score, here’s a recap of Facebook’s annus horribilis. And you thought your 2018 was bad.

Censor censure: Google is still “non-evil”—at least its employees are. Internal discord led to the censored search engine for China project being abandoned. How is a corporation to make money if its employees have a conscience and all? Tch tch.

By the way

Signs of change: The nicest thing all week: this girl “sign languaged” the lyrics to her deaf dad at a Three Days’ Grace concert. Runner-up: Costa Rica just went 300 days on renewable energy, fully.

Random sports blast: A football manager who was supposed to bring change and titles to a great football team was sacked halfway through the season. That’s right, Kerala Blasters said bye bye to David James. Also, some local club in England sacked their coach on the same day.

LinkedOut – the best articles we read this week

• A truly positive outcome of the Section 377 strikedown in India: other former British colonies are getting inspired to take the fights to their courts.
• What if Twitter didn’t have those vanity metrics? (We at TTS for one, would find existence worthless if we didn’t keep checking subscriber numbers)
• Why cats make great emotional support animals, and not just fodder for hours of Internet lulz.
• The most productive thing you can do with 10 free minutes.
• The dangers of going fully cashless: Yes, the poor will suffer.

That’s it for this week. If you’d like to find us outside of this newsletter, follow us on Twitter (Chuck | Tony)and Instagram (Chuck | Tony). If you’d like to send us a Christmas card, please go back in time to the 1990s. If you can’t find a time machine, you can send us an email. We would really like that. Until next week, may you discover your drunk pictures and be surprised at how happy and wonderful you look. Bye!

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