The equator is not the only thing dividing the world into two halves.

For the past two decades, this mammoth task has been taken on by a 6’2” Portuguese man and a 5’7” Argentine man.

The question: Messi or Ronaldo? Who is the greatest of all time?

The question still loomed large with both players set to play their last FIFA World Cup this year.

But today, the question has been settled. No more divisive, heated debates between fandoms. 

A unified response: the true GOAT is our very own Prime Minister Narendra Modi!

Remember the day. April 28, 2026. A glorious day for Indian sport, marking our arrival on the world stage!

The dhurandhar of football was in Gangtok, where he played against his ‘young friends’. And what’s better? He even scored a goal! Gamechanger for real.

What followed this rigorous display of athleticism was a blitzkrieg of praise for the PM’s football prowess.

After all, there’s no better way to celebrate Modiji’s skills than by remembering the complete mismanagement of Lionel Messi’s visit to Kolkata last year.

Our Union Education Minister also chipped in. He heralded the ‘truly inspiring’ connection on turf.

And right on cue, Union Sports Minister Mansukh Mandaviya said Modiji reached the ‘hearts of the youth!’ How serene.

Remember when he mispronounced Mohun Bagan – India’s oldest and largest football club – as Mohan Baingan?

And of course, the media did its best to assist! All it scored was a self-goal.

The Times of India has made sure you do not miss the PM’s fierce ‘dribbling skills’! And what’s better, let’s throw in a high five for good measure. So humble! What a wow!

On the off chance you missed ToI’s informative headline, let IANS tell you this:

That’s it. That’s the caption. No marks for effort, for sure.

Oh, you want effort in your social media captions?

How about this?

But wait. Why is Modiji playing like Beckham? 

Tch tch tch, India Today. Didn’t you know it’s supposed to be the other way round?

Okay, but why is this such a big deal? 

On May 16, Sikkim would complete 50 years of its statehood. Our Prime MVP was in Gangtok to celebrate this occasion.

And why now, one day ahead of the second phase of polling in West Bengal, the neighbouring state where football is deeply entrenched in its identity?

Is it just to celebrate Sikkim? Is it to celebrate football? Or is there more?

But on a serious note, if you’re looking for a context and conversation beyond the photo-ops and political positioning, tune into Let’s Talk About Indian Football – a deep dive podcast series on how to fix the beautiful game.

At Newslaundry, we refuse to bend the ball like anyone. Or for anyone. We stand tall and provide you with the big picture. Because why focus on one GOAT when there’s a whole landscape that needs attention?

Complaining about the media is easy. Why not do something to make it better? Support independent media and subscribe to Newslaundry today.