“Imagine there’s no heaven, it’s easy if you try…”

So sang John Lennon after the iconic piano riff.

At 16, this was my answer to the question: “What’s your favourite song?”

It was 2016.  The Syrian Civil War was going on.

Aleppo was struck by a series of bombardments.

And this picture went viral. A 5-year-old boy in an ambulance after being pulled out of the rubble.

“My god, this is terrible. Children pay the worst price for war,” I remember lamenting.

HEY UN, STOP STEALING MY THOUGHTS! 

In 2014, I represented Liberia at a Model United Nations Development Programme. A ‘delegation’ of 14 and 15 year-olds dressed up in suits, debating fiercely and ‘raising motions’ for ‘informal caucuses’ so we could vote on the agenda for the next set of Sustainable Development Goals. I remember we expressed ‘grave concern’ over the plight of child soldiers and talked about the need to protect civilians during a time of civil war or military coups.

And we were quite visionary in that regard.

Because we got this over a decade later.

Anyway, thanks to our deliberations, Sudan is no longer fighting a forgotten war now. I’m glad we solved that.

After all, if teenagers at a Model UN conference were able to foresee and fix the crisis in Sudan, surely the real 80-year-old United Nations would be infinitely more effective.

At age 18, I stuck a poster of John Lennon on my dorm room wall. I had a great taste in music after all. At 19, I remember posting an Instagram story with the added audio of Give Peace a Chance in a bid to tell the world where I stood on the big issues.

At 80, is the UN now entering its social media influencer phase? 

For this piece, we doom scrolled through nearly 5,000 posts on the United Nations’ Instagram handle. And found over 3,000 posts that just posted platitude. Like a life-coach. A self-help guru, if you will.

Like when an influencer says it’s cool to be pro-Palestine (but no, not really).

Stuff like “end racism”. Really saying the quiet part out loud. Pathbreaking.

Just say ‘no’ to hate. Like it’s a milkshake.

But what if someone offers to recruit a child into their army?

And if some medieval being asks you not to educate your daughter, show them this:

(Unless of course, you’re in Iran and you want them to not be bombed to death.)

But despite your best intentions, what if there are forces so powerful and determined to make the world a living hell? And what if, for a brief time, they seem to be winning? And what if they cite past atrocities as a justification to let their current ones continue?

What if there’s someone so hell bent on indiscriminately massacring over 70,000 people? 

Well, then you can at least do this:

Don’t prevent the current genocide. Just say you’ll prevent the next one.

Because remember this: there will always be bullies — the kind in a black Scorpio looking to hurl the choicest of abuses at you because you refused to jump the signal despite their incessant honking. 

It’s during times like these that you must remember these wise words:

But do remember. You must only say these things. Just post those stories on Instagram like I did at the ages of 19 and 20. Do not, even by mistake, translate this into action. It is very important you don’t. The fate of the world could be at stake. And worse: you might not even win ‘Best Delegate’ at the end! Just a certificate and no trophy or prize money? Pathetic. What will you even show in your application to university?

It’s too late for me now. But to the current lot of teenagers, here’s a humble request: do not be like us. Do not go to Model UN conferences. There’s nothing you’d learn there that you can’t already learn by simply following the United Nations on social media. Why would you risk spending all that time and energy researching topics, picking out a dapper formal suit, and wondering who you’ll ask out for the delegates’ dance? Let the pros at the real UN handle the subtle science and exact art of doing zilch.

Why walk the talk when you can walk the dog instead?

Gee, thanks for this life advice, dear UN. What would we do without you?

But if, for whatever misplaced reason, you do believe actions speak louder than words, perhaps, you could support the people who do more than just virtue signalling and expressing concern, there couldn’t be a more pressing time to do so.

The crisis is here and you need truly independent voices who can call out, put in check, question institutions and individuals whose stated claim it is to protect your interests.

Like Newslaundry and The News Minute. It’s not just important. It’s existential.

And if you’re still not convinced, let us show you this: